It must be said…

I’ve been hiding this for too long. All this time, it’s been a dark, painful secret. Watching the rest of you laughing and enjoying yourselves, I could only turn away in despair, because of… her.

I’ve tried to change, really, I have, but the time has come for me to stop with all this pretense. I am here today to admit the long overdue truth to all of you:

I am terrified of Mano Erina.

Some of you look at her and see an adorable angel. I look at her and see a horrific genetic experiment created by UFA, a monster capable of absorbing the H!P girls through phagocytosis and reproducing their faces in a grotesque mixture upon her own visage.

Look at that. SHE WANTS YOUR SOUL. And you know she’s going to get it in the end, too. She’s already eaten young Tsuji Nozomi (time travel), Yurina, Maimi, Sayumi and Captain. She’s started leeching off of Airi a tiny bit in preparation of her impending C-ute feast, and within a month or two I guarantee that if you x-rayed her stomach or vacuole or whatever the UFA scientists gave her, you’d see some Reina and Takahashi being digested in there, too.

Here she is with two of her first victims. This is a prime example of Mano’s lethal, predator-like intelligence at work. By taking out the leaders of both Kid groups, she’s essentially left Berryz a Momoko led helium-fest, and C-ute completely leaderless, what with Erika not feeling up to the job. Now it’ll be only too easy for this vile creature to pick the defenseless Idols off… first by lulling them to sleep with the boring strains of her piano and emotionless voice, and then finishing them off by sending out her lucky aura to ensnare them.

Here she is, clearly exhibiting the face of C-ute’s former leader, Maimi (the Maimi you currently see is a figment of your imagination. No one can be that hot). I can only theorize that this ability to reproduce the faces of those that she’s absorbed is some kind of natural camouflage against her only known predator, The Babyeating Panda.

You may be wondering how such a seemingly docile creature learned to become such a truly ruthless killer. Well, like most of us, she started small. In fact, she started with animals. Reptiles, to be exact… As evidence, one can see that the face of her very first kill is still the face that she reproduces the most often:

As shown below in this rare snapshot, she records her thoughts about that first meal, along with some terrifyingly brutish drawings of her first victim:

After careful study, I have translated the primitive scrawlings of the Manocreature into something intelligeable:

“Today I killed my first turtle, drank his blood and then enveloped the rest of him with my fearsome jaws♥♥

‘♥Aaaaaah, no, please don’t eat meeeee♥’ is what he said as I devoured him! Yum! I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow! 🙂 ”

This documentary brought to you by National H!P Geographic.

Whatwhatwhatwhat?!?!

So, so I was reading a thread at JPH!P, a Fujimoto Miki thread, when there was a mention of a “mass graduation.”

What.

?

So I went over to Hello! Online.

…

What?!?

Even Yossy? I’m so confused right now! Just the other day I was wondering to myself how I’d react if Yossy would graduate. I didn’t think I’d be this numb. What’s going to happen to Hangry and Angry? I feel sick…

It says that they’ll still continue their duties after they graduate, just not within H!P, so… maybe there’s no need for me to react this way. But I still feel like this could be really bad.

Being practical, I know that this is a good step for these young women. H!P is offering them nothing right now, and hasn’t for quite a while. H!P has always been about the new, younger girls. These ladies are truly talented, from Yuko down to Yui, and H!P isn’t utilizing that at all. Every single one of them deserves more than what H!P can give them. And on the other hand, without all of those “unused” acts, H!P will be now be able to put all of its attention (and money) on the Big Three, but…

That said… I just… can’t really understand what’s going on right now. So… pictures. Of everyone. I  can’t do it all in one post, so I’ll break it down into a few posts over a few days.

Nakazawa Yuko has always been a symbol of strength, to me. She was this sort of soothing idea, an older woman looking after the rest of H!P. H!P’s mother, if you will. Now that she’s gone, is Takitty going to become the leader of H!P? Because that’s just full of fail.

Iida I’m not too upset about. She was already basically gone, right? At least she has her husband and child with her, whereas some of these girls will have… what? But still, I like Iida, and I always had this tiny hope that she’d come back.

This isn’t right. Nacchi is H!P. What about her new single?! She’s NATSUMI FREAKING ABE, for Gaki’s sake! Something’s just not right about this.

Without Kei, who will… uh… terrify people by winking?! I love Kei. I love that she can sing and play all sorts of instruments. Listen to her performance of “The Rose,” and all of those times she played the saxophone at a recent Nacchi concert, and you’ll understand.

What. The. Fuck. Mari is the perfect Idol. I named my blog after one of her Uta Doki performances, damnit! She can zoom from super sexy photobook goddess to adorable leader of Mini Moni in no time flat. I adore her (I haven’t talked about her a lot yet, but that’s because I always assumed that there’d be time…) That said, Mari seems to be one of the girls who is all set to get out. She’s got a couple of her own TV shows and is often in the public eye. I assume that she, along with most of the other girls, will still stay close to UFA, just not in H!P.

I don’t really like Rika, but she is essential to IshiYoshi, right? And she’s popular, isn’t she? What about Ongaku Gatas?! Don’t they have a concert lined up soon?

That’s the end of the first post, because I started crying when I realized that I’m going to have to try to organize my thoughts about Yossy next.  I just re-visited H!O, and it seems that they’ll be within H!P until the end of March? That’s still a little while, so… let’s cherish them while we still can!

Not yet! My scarlet premonition isn’t showy!

+

+

=

Berryz needs a new shtick. Lyk nao.

For those who don’t know, Madayade means “Not yet.”

PS: Does Chinami look hot or what on the Madayade cover?

How do I Lin thee? Let me count the ways…

I’m pretty sure that SOMEWHERE, floating around in this crazed rant-box that I call a blog, is a quote basically stating that if Linlin were to start using her real, powerful voice, I’d start to like her. The best example of using said amazing voice to be found is in her training tapes, such as this itty bitty clip (oh, how she hits those high notes at the end!) :

What is Rebecca talking about now, you wonder to yourself. You’re probably wondering whether it’ll be entertaining or contain LinlinBabyEater jokes. Well, read on and find out!

Now, let’s talk about Ame no Furanai Hoshi de wa Aisenai Darou. That’s a really, really long title for a song that basically boils down to this: “THAT GORGEOUS SONG IN WHICH LIN2 AND JUN2 GET TO SING IN CHINESE.” I’ve loved this song since it was first described in a few blogs, and my love only increased when the first shaky concert recordings appeared. Then, wonder of wonders, a certain New Star did us all a favor and leaked the song all over the internet. I was so touched on hearing Junjun’s line because she’s, well, Junjun and I adore her, and Lin… Lin left me speechless. The best part for me was that H!P was finally doing some real harmonies again, but that’s a rant for another post.

Fast forward to 11:30 last night, when I was having a very CRAP night. While hoping that a friend would send me an e-mail, I decided to check one last time for anything new that was H!P related. Lucky for me, there was. Dohhh UP! had uploaded a beautiful Wonderful Hearts version of Ame no. Not sure what to expect, I began watching (I’ve provided a link at the bottom of this post).

And you know what? Linlin made me love her. She was just… amazing to the extent that I can’t quite believe her. Through this performance, Lin2’s accomplished quite a feat: She’s gotten me interested in Momusu again, just like I was when I first started to learn their names. I want to learn more, to know if she’ll continue using this kind of voice, to stay tuned and find out if she’ll be able to accomplish any other MMM (Morning Musume Miracles) for me.

(Seriously. Quite dorky.)

She’s great for a fan like me; She’s a little awkward and really, quite dorky at times. She’s an underdog, and a lot of people can’t stand her. And yet, she’s a true performer who can absolutely light up a stage with her craziness and voice. When the last note of her solo line in  Ame no died away and she broke into this absolutely beautiful smile, it was like I finally began to take her seriously.

Even watching her in the training clip above, I find myself giggling at her antics. She seems so surpemely confidant in herself, doing the vocal coach’s hand motions and whatnot with gusto, laughing out loud and just generally enjoying the heck out of herself. She makes me want to know more about her, which is something that MM desperately needs among its stagnant ranks right now.

So, uh… thanks, Linlin. You saved my night from being completely horrid.

And, because this is my blog and I say what goes:

CHIBI LIIIIIIINNNNNN!

(( http://www.dohhhup.com/movie/EwSwQNgnfwSyDYM8HPMudUUf3biVLFRT/view.php ))

Oogoe Diamond from the PoV of an AKB48 newb

Catchy title, no?

I will be the first to admit that I am a newb, or even a n00b when it comes to AKB48. Sure, I recognize most of their faces, but I only know a handful of their names, and even less of their personalities (those profiles of yours, Cat? They’re amazing. Please keep them up, because they’re the only thing that made me able to pick some of the Team A girls out of the crowd). So when I watch their PVs, I am generally in it for three things: Hoping that something as amazing as Keibetsu Shiteita Aijou will come along, watching for something eyecatching or different, and Miyazawa Sae.

You can imagine how happy I was when I watched the new PV and saw that Sae is practically the main character.

I really wanted to give this PV a serious review, but when I sat down to write it, I found myself resorting to descriptions likes “That girl about four girls to the left of Sae wants to be anywhere but there” or “the one who looks like a cocker spaniel looks really bored.” That just doesn’t sit well with me, so I threw out that sad version and, well, now I have something that’s part review, part ramble, all WTF-ery. Basically, these are the notes that I took as I was watching the PV in their original format, with crappy screencaps to help them along. Let’s start, shall we?

So the PV begins with Acchan, one of my least-favored girls that I can actually recognize. She’s running, she’s running, she’s running, and then! Some girl bumps into her, and gives her the look from Hell. This look, to be specific:

I’mma eat j00 up, Acchan!

Waittaminute, who is that? Seriously, who is she? She has a kind of funny mouth. Is she that research student with the funny mouth?  Muranaka Satomi, right? Hnnh.

Acchan: “What a rude, rude little Reasearch student you are! Acchan is your Supreme Overlord, and you, as a Research student, are her bitch! Apologize, or you will never find yourself in another single as long as you live! Not even as one of those random extras that no one notices! HAHAHAHAHAer… -kawaiiemolook-”

Now they’re in a hallway. Mayuyu reminds me of a toy poodle. I just base this off of how tiny and fragile she looks. Like the tiny kind of dog that yaps all the time and practically wets itself whenever a bigger dog so much as glances at it. What is she bitching about now? Wait. I see Sae texting! It’s Sae, huzzah! Oh, wait, Mayuyu has an announcement to make…

Toy Poodle: “Excuse me, everyone? Yeah, hi, over here. Our producer just texted me. He said that I’m going to be the newest soloist. If I don’t sell 10,000 copies of my new super-slutty single, he’ll push me off of a cliff. Will you guys help me think up a stage name that’s a barely disguised euphemism for the word ‘penis?'”

Everyone: “…C’mon Mayu! No one’s that stupid! That’d never happen in real life!”

Acchan: “…Acchan wanted to be the new soloist… Now what is Acchan supposed to do with the hunky men she hired to be her slightly awkward back-up dancers?”

Here she is again! Who are you?! Agh, this is so going to bother me! Research students wouldn’t get that much screentime, right? I’ll admit that she’s kinda fun, but can someone tell me where the heck she came from? She even gets a duet line instead of just getting stuck into the chorus. Wut?

The dance really isn’t anything special, is it? But there’s lots of Sae-time, so I’m set. She dances with so much energy. She’s like Yossy… only she hasn’t cross-dressed, to my knowledge.

Toy Poodle: “Guys, he wouldn’t actually make me dance to this while wearing an outfit that manages to make me look like an anorexic football player with no backside to speak of, right?”

Theeeeere’s Researchy again! With the Toy Poodle and two other girls whose names I don’t know.

Er, would Mariko be allowed to wear stuff like that at a Japanese high school? Wouldn’t the teachers like, bitch slap her and make her hold heavy buckets of water as punishment for daring to stand out and be original? That said, she looks awesome.

Have I ever mentioned how much I like this Iida-looking girl? ‘Cause I do. Only, if you cover up the left half of her face in this screenshot and stare for a while, she looks like an odd mixture of Maasa and Yurina, and not a good way.

Sot he girls are adorable, learning the dance by watching a video of “real idols” dancing. Since that’s how most of us laern how to do H!P and other idol’s dances, there’s a sense of realism here. “Yes, that’s me.”

And then Sae comes in and is all “Lol, wut?? r u gaiz st00pid? thats not how u do it lol!” She then proceeds to show Acchan how much she, Sae, wins at life. Acchan is appropriately depressed.

Acchan then bitches. And bitches. And bitches.  Toy Poodle, pay attention. This is what you’re aspiring to become.

And then… the best part of the PV (which I won’t screencap due to all the moving aroundness and such) happens: Sae practically attacks Acchan, who, true to her role in the PV, stands there and sobs.

This may be because I have a martial arts background myself (I recently received my black belt in Shaolin Kempo), but I love strong, fighting women. So seeing Sae about to absolutely destroy Acchan was probably one of the sexiest things I’ve seen come from any idol group this year. If anyone, ANYone could perhaps turn that bit into a .gif and send it to me, or even just tell me what Acchan was bitching about, I would be such a happy, happy wota.

Sayaka: “-gazes longingly at Sae- I’d so tap that…”

So, I recognize who this is now. In fact, I feel kinda bad for not realizing sooner. But, can you blame me? I wasn’t expecting Voldemort to be hanging around inside AKB48.

More Sae. Why? Because there can never be enough Sae love. What’s with her hair, though? I bet it looks ridiculous from the front. It’s like a failed unicorn look.

Damnit! Tell me who you are and why you’re getting so much screentime, you… alien!!!

But the PV is getting long, and so, after an internal revelation or two, Acchan is able to get back on her feet, back onstage, and put her best face forward:

This face, to be specific. You might be thinking, “What? But that’s just her normal, dull expression that she usually wears when performing!”

Exactly.

EDIT:

OHMIGOD! SHE’S EVEN ON THE COVER, TOO?!?! WHAT GIVES? She’s totally not the Research student with the wierd mouth. Is she the SKE girl who’s listed on the Wiki page? If she’s not, I’ll scream.