The safari continues…

August 31, 2010

(The mocking death-grin of the Manocreature… often the last thing a defenseless Idol sees before she is devoured)

Back by popular (well, singular) request, here’s the latest installment of my exclusive peek into the terrifying mind of the Manobeast.

When we last left off, the Manobeast had just finished her usual daily ritual of boring her victims to death and then devouring them. This unfortunate tendency has been well established by solid scientific research.However, through careful observation (and occasional detriment to my own personal safety), I have been able to to achieve a breakthrough in the field of Manobiology.

The stunning news: While previously thought to have been entirely solitary in her pursuits, the Manobeast has been revealed as willing to work in a team to take down large prey. Seen behind the Manobeast in this rare photograph are the poor creatures with whom the Manobeast seems to hunt:

The group of young females and other humans behind the Manocreature seem mostly extraneous and, if they serve any purpose at all, it is to provide the Mano with a ready snack when she needs it (likely she has captured them all with her Lucky Aura, rendering them unable to escape). The breakthrough discovery is the existence of the Creature in Red visible directly behind the Manobeast.

This extraordinary being appears to have something of a master-servant relationship with the Manobeast. Indeed, when she wants it to do her bidding, the Manobeast has been seen to whip and otherwise mistreat the Creature in Red.

(Note her uncaring expression: She clearly views him solely as a tool  to be used in attacking prey)

However, he is no shy weakling: When he attacks, he uses devastating physical attacks that appear to stun his opponents into a state of (what I have termed) “genki.”

( The creature in red mockingly joins his victim in a fit of genki)

How this forced state of genki helps the Manobeast catch her prey is still uncertain. I shall likely need to extend my study of this horrifying creature for many years before all of her mysteries are sorted out.

Yet, as terrifying as she is, researching the Manobeast has proved to be a gratifying exploit, and one I will doubtless be unable to avoid for many years to come.

That is, unless I fall prey to her first…


Note:

August 30, 2010

Hi folks!

I’m currently trying out some things with my header,  so apologies in advance if things look a bit unprofessional around here! Hopefully I’ll figure it out before too long.


A bit of follow-up…

August 9, 2010

So to recap: Most of the WotaWorld is in tears, my fandom has been shaken to the core, Tsunku needs his testicles mangled by a cat…

And now we move on to the next biggest concern: What’s next?

I have a silly little theory that will probably not pan out. From the translations of Tsuntsun’s comments on the 9th gen audition website, it seems as though they’re only looking for one girl to add to the group.

Only adding one girl at this point would be ridiculous. 6 members? For Morning Musume? No way! This is the group that had to split in half in its hey-day, because there were just too many freakin’ members!

So, either all of the translations are wrong (quite possible, it’s tough to translate that quickly) or something else is in the works.

My guess is that Tsunku might be thinking of adding some Eggs to Morning Musume this time around. He must know that certain fans have always pined over Kikkawa Yuu’s lost MM opportunity, and the addition of Linlin opened the way for other Eggs to find their way into the Flagship of H!P.

So let’s look at a couple of likely Eggs, shall we?

Kikkawa Yuu

Everyone’s favorite MM-reject aside from Kashiwagi Yuki, and probably the most popular Egg. This girl has beauty, brains (no, I have no proof for that one, she just seems smart), talent, personality, and a fanbase. In short, she’s perfect. If Tsunku were putting Eggs into MM, there would only be one major obstacle in her way: Tsunku hates being wrong.  He seems like the type who would look at Yuu and say, “Well, I mean, yeah, she’d be a great addition to the group, but no is no, and I already said no to her once. So there. Nyah!”

I personally would love to see Yuu in Momusu.  She reminds me a bit of Iida Kaori’s more natural side. She’s so elegant and sweet.  She’d be a great counterpoint to Aika’s scrappyness and Reina’s annoyingness.

Kitahara Sayaka

Arguably the other most popular Egg due to her time in Milky Way*, Sayaka ought to be put into MM if only for the sake of her killer abs. She also happens to have a unique, cool personality. Now, I know Tsunku hates girls who show personality right off the bat, tending to go for little lumps of malleable clay, but I have always loved cool personalities (blame Yossy). I want a cool girl in MM!

Sekine Azusa

My personal favorite Egg, Forehead-girl! Think of the brow-themed merchandising possibilities! Think of the hats she could sell! Instead of mufflers in the winter, balaclavas! Instead of wristbands, headbands! Tsuntsun would be a fool to pass her up!

Okay. Joking aside, this girl reminds me of Linlin, so I want her in MM so badly that I can taste it. She’s so energetic and such a talented performer. She loses herself in the moment, just like Lin, and I just want to watch her grow and grow as a performer! Sekitty is an Egg that I don’t want to lose to obscurity.

Don’t pass this up, Tsunku! (Psst, if he feels like adding more than one Egg… look how great these two are together!)

Sengoku Minami

A lot of people say that Minami is freaking hot. I don’t think so. To me she seems completely average in terms of looks and talent. It’s because of that, however, that I think she might become a part of the 9th generation.

I can’t say it enough: Tsunku loves average girls. He loves that idea that they can grow and blossom from being average to being something great. What he doesn’t realize is that sometimes average girls are really just average. No growth potential. Maybe this applies to Minami, maybe it doesn’t. I’m not saying that Minami has no potential, I’m just saying that I don’t see it as much as a lot of other people do. So yeah, if Tsunku picks any Egg for MM, it might just be her, and if it is, I’ll be sad.

Hirano Tomomi

This would just be hilarious, and entirely like Tsunku. I have no idea why Tomomi is an Egg- I always feel like the point behind the Eggs is to find children so young that they have no choice but to be malleable and easy to shape into Super Idols. I’ve never heard Tomomi sing or seen her perform. In fact, the only video I can find of her is her introduction as an Egg, during which everyone in the audience freaked out when she announced how old she is. She is the least likely to become a part of MM’s 9th gen, but then, Tsunku likes surprising us.

Well, these are my main bets. Of course, there is one more person who might just end up in Morning Musume… Well, not really a person at all. More of a vicious killer and devourer of Idols. In fact, now that it’s come down to it, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before: This freakish three-part graduation is all part of her plan. Her plan to infiltrate and devour Morning Musume!

That’s right…

MANO ERINAAAAAAAAA!

But Rebecca (you say)! She is an established soloist with a long career of boring and uninteresting singing under her belt!  She has released seven singles and an album! She is talented desu desu desu!

Well, reader, those arguments would be valid if not for the existence of a certain 6th generation member, that reluctant ex-soloist who had five singles and an album to her name (and legions of obsessive wota) when she was tossed into Morning Musume… that wonderful girl with the deep voice and raspy vibrato, Fujimoto Miki!

If Tsunku really wanted to drive home all of the hurt I feel after this awful graduation decision, he will put ManoEri into Morning Musume as a sort of homicidal Miki part 2. Fujimoto set a dangerous precedent. I’m sure she didn’t know that her addition to the group would pave the path for allowing in this Idol-eater, but it has, and we must now all brace ourselves for what is to come…

Ah well. That’s H!P.

* Am I the only one who thought that Anataboshi was a complete trainwreck? The entire blogsphere seemed to love it, but to me the song seemed rushed, with a bad backing track, and a messy, distracting PV.


Well then!

August 8, 2010

This past weekend I babysat for my adviser, taking care of his four (count ’em! Four!) grandchildren, all aged 4 or under. Every night I was too exhausted from running after naked toddlers or finding blankies to do anything other than fall into bed. As a result, I hadn’t checked for news from the Wonderful World of J-pop for three days. I logged on today, my final day of caring for the Little Monsters, not expecting to find much news.

I went to Hello!Online. Saw the same boring post about the MM girls’ lucky numbers. Whatever. Nothing new–

Oh, wait, what’s that over on the twitter feed? Hm, can’t be anything too major…

What?

WHAT?

WHAT?!

You know how older people always remember where they were when World War II ended or man landed on the Moon? I think I’m going to be the crazy old person who remembers literally falling off of her chair when she read that three members, including her first and second favorites, would be graduating from Morning Musume.

Man…

I’ve always suspected that Kamei might be the next one to graduate, but I can’t understand the way that the Pandas were tacked on. To be honest, this reminds me of when Makoto graduated- instead of being given a real graduation concert, she “shared” Konno’s. It hardly seems fair to the girl or to the fans. Let’s hope that when it comes time for them to graduate, each girl is truly honored.

I’m feeling kind of numb about this right now. The thing that scares me the most is, of course, Lin’s future. When she was in Morning Musume, I knew that she was secure. Even more than that, I had some “guidance” when it came to being a fan of hers. I know about Japan. I feel familiar with it from having spent so much time learning about its culture. I know how to be a H!P fan, where to go to find translations of Lin’s videos, where to find pictures of her, who to talk to to find out more about her. The idea that Lin is going back to China to do who knows what is scary for me as a fan. I’m afraid of not being able to be a fan of Lin as a member of H!P, because I’m not sure how to be a fan in any other way.

It’s just frightening. I always thought that Lin would be in Momusu for at least another year. If she had just stayed for another year, I could have gone to see her in Japan.

I’m sorry that this post isn’t very coherent. I’m just not sure what to feel yet.

I just always thought that I’d have the chance to get to see her.

A quick edit because someone asked me to comment a little more on my feelings about the other two:

Like I mentioned above, I thought that Kamei might be the one to go after Koharu. There was a rumor going around a while back that she would announce her graduation, and even though it ended up being just that, a rumor, I have always felt that there must have been some grain of truth in it. I adore Kamei, but I think she’s reached her peak within the group. She couldn’t possibly become any sexier, funnier, more talented. She needs to leave in order to grow. I think that her presence in the entertainment industry hasn’t ended. My guess is that after taking care of her health, we’ll see her again. Momusu will be a less gorgeous group without her.

As for Junjun, my thoughts of her are drowned out by my cares for the other two. She started out as a favorite of mine, but I eventually lost interest. Still, she’s a sweet girl with a pleasantly combative personality. I’d have liked to see her stay longer if only because she was so feisty. Plus, of course, she’s entrancingly pretty.