It must be said…

October 24, 2008

I’ve been hiding this for too long. All this time, it’s been a dark, painful secret. Watching the rest of you laughing and enjoying yourselves, I could only turn away in despair, because of… her.

I’ve tried to change, really, I have, but the time has come for me to stop with all this pretense. I am here today to admit the long overdue truth to all of you:

I am terrified of Mano Erina.

Some of you look at her and see an adorable angel. I look at her and see a horrific genetic experiment created by UFA, a monster capable of absorbing the H!P girls through phagocytosis and reproducing their faces in a grotesque mixture upon her own visage.

Look at that. SHE WANTS YOUR SOUL. And you know she’s going to get it in the end, too. She’s already eaten young Tsuji Nozomi (time travel), Yurina, Maimi, Sayumi and Captain. She’s started leeching off of Airi a tiny bit in preparation of her impending C-ute feast, and within a month or two I guarantee that if you x-rayed her stomach or vacuole or whatever the UFA scientists gave her, you’d see some Reina and Takahashi being digested in there, too.

Here she is with two of her first victims. This is a prime example of Mano’s lethal, predator-like intelligence at work. By taking out the leaders of both Kid groups, she’s essentially left Berryz a Momoko led helium-fest, and C-ute completely leaderless, what with Erika not feeling up to the job. Now it’ll be only too easy for this vile creature to pick the defenseless Idols off… first by lulling them to sleep with the boring strains of her piano and emotionless voice, and then finishing them off by sending out her lucky aura to ensnare them.

Here she is, clearly exhibiting the face of C-ute’s former leader, Maimi (the Maimi you currently see is a figment of your imagination. No one can be that hot). I can only theorize that this ability to reproduce the faces of those that she’s absorbed is some kind of natural camouflage against her only known predator, The Babyeating Panda.

You may be wondering how such a seemingly docile creature learned to become such a truly ruthless killer. Well, like most of us, she started small. In fact, she started with animals. Reptiles, to be exact… As evidence, one can see that the face of her very first kill is still the face that she reproduces the most often:

As shown below in this rare snapshot, she records her thoughts about that first meal, along with some terrifyingly brutish drawings of her first victim:

After careful study, I have translated the primitive scrawlings of the Manocreature into something intelligeable:

“Today I killed my first turtle, drank his blood and then enveloped the rest of him with my fearsome jaws♥♥

‘♥Aaaaaah, no, please don’t eat meeeee♥’ is what he said as I devoured him! Yum! I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow! 🙂 ”

This documentary brought to you by National H!P Geographic.