The safari continues…

August 31, 2010

(The mocking death-grin of the Manocreature… often the last thing a defenseless Idol sees before she is devoured)

Back by popular (well, singular) request, here’s the latest installment of my exclusive peek into the terrifying mind of the Manobeast.

When we last left off, the Manobeast had just finished her usual daily ritual of boring her victims to death and then devouring them. This unfortunate tendency has been well established by solid scientific research.However, through careful observation (and occasional detriment to my own personal safety), I have been able to to achieve a breakthrough in the field of Manobiology.

The stunning news: While previously thought to have been entirely solitary in her pursuits, the Manobeast has been revealed as willing to work in a team to take down large prey. Seen behind the Manobeast in this rare photograph are the poor creatures with whom the Manobeast seems to hunt:

The group of young females and other humans behind the Manocreature seem mostly extraneous and, if they serve any purpose at all, it is to provide the Mano with a ready snack when she needs it (likely she has captured them all with her Lucky Aura, rendering them unable to escape). The breakthrough discovery is the existence of the Creature in Red visible directly behind the Manobeast.

This extraordinary being appears to have something of a master-servant relationship with the Manobeast. Indeed, when she wants it to do her bidding, the Manobeast has been seen to whip and otherwise mistreat the Creature in Red.

(Note her uncaring expression: She clearly views him solely as a tool  to be used in attacking prey)

However, he is no shy weakling: When he attacks, he uses devastating physical attacks that appear to stun his opponents into a state of (what I have termed) “genki.”

( The creature in red mockingly joins his victim in a fit of genki)

How this forced state of genki helps the Manobeast catch her prey is still uncertain. I shall likely need to extend my study of this horrifying creature for many years before all of her mysteries are sorted out.

Yet, as terrifying as she is, researching the Manobeast has proved to be a gratifying exploit, and one I will doubtless be unable to avoid for many years to come.

That is, unless I fall prey to her first…

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The Safari Begins!

January 14, 2009

shorthairerina

In this post, I proclaimed my eternal terror for Mano Erina.

Now I see that I was only afraid of her hair.

I’m not kidding- this picture may be the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. If only Mano had actually cut her hair short, instead of just pulled it back. For some reason, she just seems so much less… menacing… when she does her hair like this!

sheatesayumi

Then again… maybe this look is all just a plot to fool those of us who, like myself, are still skeptical. Mano is, after all, a predator who is a master of camouflage and disguise, taking on the faces of her Idol victims in order to get closer to her next prey. In the above picture, one can clearly see her infamous routine at work, as she is showing the face of one of her earliest victims, a certain Morning Musume member whose name rhymes with Shichishige Mayumi.

This this tactic allows her to infiltrate even the most genki of dressing rooms, posing for seemingly “cute” and “harmless” pictures. The real reason behind that hug? She’s feeling up the amount of muscle on her next meal, of course.

Well I won’t be fooled, Miss Mano. This wota will continue to monitor your behavior as a predator amongst the unsuspecting gazelle… er… idols.

…And so, the safari begins!

{This may become a semi-regular series… sort of the opposite of a worship post, I suppose. And don’t worry- whilemy discomfort over ManoEri is completely real, my belief that she eats other Idols is merely harmless speculation.

🙂 }


It must be said…

October 24, 2008

I’ve been hiding this for too long. All this time, it’s been a dark, painful secret. Watching the rest of you laughing and enjoying yourselves, I could only turn away in despair, because of… her.

I’ve tried to change, really, I have, but the time has come for me to stop with all this pretense. I am here today to admit the long overdue truth to all of you:

I am terrified of Mano Erina.

Some of you look at her and see an adorable angel. I look at her and see a horrific genetic experiment created by UFA, a monster capable of absorbing the H!P girls through phagocytosis and reproducing their faces in a grotesque mixture upon her own visage.

Look at that. SHE WANTS YOUR SOUL. And you know she’s going to get it in the end, too. She’s already eaten young Tsuji Nozomi (time travel), Yurina, Maimi, Sayumi and Captain. She’s started leeching off of Airi a tiny bit in preparation of her impending C-ute feast, and within a month or two I guarantee that if you x-rayed her stomach or vacuole or whatever the UFA scientists gave her, you’d see some Reina and Takahashi being digested in there, too.

Here she is with two of her first victims. This is a prime example of Mano’s lethal, predator-like intelligence at work. By taking out the leaders of both Kid groups, she’s essentially left Berryz a Momoko led helium-fest, and C-ute completely leaderless, what with Erika not feeling up to the job. Now it’ll be only too easy for this vile creature to pick the defenseless Idols off… first by lulling them to sleep with the boring strains of her piano and emotionless voice, and then finishing them off by sending out her lucky aura to ensnare them.

Here she is, clearly exhibiting the face of C-ute’s former leader, Maimi (the Maimi you currently see is a figment of your imagination. No one can be that hot). I can only theorize that this ability to reproduce the faces of those that she’s absorbed is some kind of natural camouflage against her only known predator, The Babyeating Panda.

You may be wondering how such a seemingly docile creature learned to become such a truly ruthless killer. Well, like most of us, she started small. In fact, she started with animals. Reptiles, to be exact… As evidence, one can see that the face of her very first kill is still the face that she reproduces the most often:

As shown below in this rare snapshot, she records her thoughts about that first meal, along with some terrifyingly brutish drawings of her first victim:

After careful study, I have translated the primitive scrawlings of the Manocreature into something intelligeable:

“Today I killed my first turtle, drank his blood and then enveloped the rest of him with my fearsome jaws♥♥

‘♥Aaaaaah, no, please don’t eat meeeee♥’ is what he said as I devoured him! Yum! I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow! 🙂 ”

This documentary brought to you by National H!P Geographic.