Oogoe Diamond from the PoV of an AKB48 newb

October 6, 2008

Catchy title, no?

I will be the first to admit that I am a newb, or even a n00b when it comes to AKB48. Sure, I recognize most of their faces, but I only know a handful of their names, and even less of their personalities (those profiles of yours, Cat? They’re amazing. Please keep them up, because they’re the only thing that made me able to pick some of the Team A girls out of the crowd). So when I watch their PVs, I am generally in it for three things: Hoping that something as amazing as Keibetsu Shiteita Aijou will come along, watching for something eyecatching or different, and Miyazawa Sae.

You can imagine how happy I was when I watched the new PV and saw that Sae is practically the main character.

I really wanted to give this PV a serious review, but when I sat down to write it, I found myself resorting to descriptions likes “That girl about four girls to the left of Sae wants to be anywhere but there” or “the one who looks like a cocker spaniel looks really bored.” That just doesn’t sit well with me, so I threw out that sad version and, well, now I have something that’s part review, part ramble, all WTF-ery. Basically, these are the notes that I took as I was watching the PV in their original format, with crappy screencaps to help them along. Let’s start, shall we?

So the PV begins with Acchan, one of my least-favored girls that I can actually recognize. She’s running, she’s running, she’s running, and then! Some girl bumps into her, and gives her the look from Hell. This look, to be specific:

I’mma eat j00 up, Acchan!

Waittaminute, who is that? Seriously, who is she? She has a kind of funny mouth. Is she that research student with the funny mouth?  Muranaka Satomi, right? Hnnh.

Acchan: “What a rude, rude little Reasearch student you are! Acchan is your Supreme Overlord, and you, as a Research student, are her bitch! Apologize, or you will never find yourself in another single as long as you live! Not even as one of those random extras that no one notices! HAHAHAHAHAer… -kawaiiemolook-”

Now they’re in a hallway. Mayuyu reminds me of a toy poodle. I just base this off of how tiny and fragile she looks. Like the tiny kind of dog that yaps all the time and practically wets itself whenever a bigger dog so much as glances at it. What is she bitching about now? Wait. I see Sae texting! It’s Sae, huzzah! Oh, wait, Mayuyu has an announcement to make…

Toy Poodle: “Excuse me, everyone? Yeah, hi, over here. Our producer just texted me. He said that I’m going to be the newest soloist. If I don’t sell 10,000 copies of my new super-slutty single, he’ll push me off of a cliff. Will you guys help me think up a stage name that’s a barely disguised euphemism for the word ‘penis?'”

Everyone: “…C’mon Mayu! No one’s that stupid! That’d never happen in real life!”

Acchan: “…Acchan wanted to be the new soloist… Now what is Acchan supposed to do with the hunky men she hired to be her slightly awkward back-up dancers?”

Here she is again! Who are you?! Agh, this is so going to bother me! Research students wouldn’t get that much screentime, right? I’ll admit that she’s kinda fun, but can someone tell me where the heck she came from? She even gets a duet line instead of just getting stuck into the chorus. Wut?

The dance really isn’t anything special, is it? But there’s lots of Sae-time, so I’m set. She dances with so much energy. She’s like Yossy… only she hasn’t cross-dressed, to my knowledge.

Toy Poodle: “Guys, he wouldn’t actually make me dance to this while wearing an outfit that manages to make me look like an anorexic football player with no backside to speak of, right?”

Theeeeere’s Researchy again! With the Toy Poodle and two other girls whose names I don’t know.

Er, would Mariko be allowed to wear stuff like that at a Japanese high school? Wouldn’t the teachers like, bitch slap her and make her hold heavy buckets of water as punishment for daring to stand out and be original? That said, she looks awesome.

Have I ever mentioned how much I like this Iida-looking girl? ‘Cause I do. Only, if you cover up the left half of her face in this screenshot and stare for a while, she looks like an odd mixture of Maasa and Yurina, and not a good way.

Sot he girls are adorable, learning the dance by watching a video of “real idols” dancing. Since that’s how most of us laern how to do H!P and other idol’s dances, there’s a sense of realism here. “Yes, that’s me.”

And then Sae comes in and is all “Lol, wut?? r u gaiz st00pid? thats not how u do it lol!” She then proceeds to show Acchan how much she, Sae, wins at life. Acchan is appropriately depressed.

Acchan then bitches. And bitches. And bitches.  Toy Poodle, pay attention. This is what you’re aspiring to become.

And then… the best part of the PV (which I won’t screencap due to all the moving aroundness and such) happens: Sae practically attacks Acchan, who, true to her role in the PV, stands there and sobs.

This may be because I have a martial arts background myself (I recently received my black belt in Shaolin Kempo), but I love strong, fighting women. So seeing Sae about to absolutely destroy Acchan was probably one of the sexiest things I’ve seen come from any idol group this year. If anyone, ANYone could perhaps turn that bit into a .gif and send it to me, or even just tell me what Acchan was bitching about, I would be such a happy, happy wota.

Sayaka: “-gazes longingly at Sae- I’d so tap that…”

So, I recognize who this is now. In fact, I feel kinda bad for not realizing sooner. But, can you blame me? I wasn’t expecting Voldemort to be hanging around inside AKB48.

More Sae. Why? Because there can never be enough Sae love. What’s with her hair, though? I bet it looks ridiculous from the front. It’s like a failed unicorn look.

Damnit! Tell me who you are and why you’re getting so much screentime, you… alien!!!

But the PV is getting long, and so, after an internal revelation or two, Acchan is able to get back on her feet, back onstage, and put her best face forward:

This face, to be specific. You might be thinking, “What? But that’s just her normal, dull expression that she usually wears when performing!”

Exactly.

EDIT:

OHMIGOD! SHE’S EVEN ON THE COVER, TOO?!?! WHAT GIVES? She’s totally not the Research student with the wierd mouth. Is she the SKE girl who’s listed on the Wiki page? If she’s not, I’ll scream.