Do you guys like me yet?

September 1, 2008

Alternate title: Usa-chan’s blog needs a “mature-content” warning.

Times are hard. Gas prices are soaring, stocks are falling, and people are making sacrifices worldwide to make ends meet. What does this have to do with blogging? Probably nothing. But I do know that I’ve been getting fewer and fewer pageviews lately. Thus, my blogging ego is plummeting along with my pageviews, and I’m going to blame it on the recession. Wow, I’m talking just like an adult already!

What am I going to do about this?

I’m going to figure out what all you readers out there want and give you a post devoted to that. As far as I can tell, most of you out there look for one or more of three things when reading a post:

1. Humor. Who doesn’t like to laugh?

2. New opinions, or something you didn’t already know.

3. Boobs. Do I really need to explain?

The easiest of those three things is, of course, the last. And because school has started and thanks to sadistic teachers I already have homework, I’m only choosing to give you one of those three. So here you go:

Usa-chan’s super awesome fanservice post!

Why not start out with a bang (pun intended)? Besides, according to my research (IE bored musings), the pictures are probably the only things you’ll actually look at in this post.

Personally, I find Nacchi to be one of the sexiest members of H!P. Plus, if you back waaay up, tilt your head and kinda squint, not only will you look incredibly silly, but Nacchi’s bathing suit kinda blends into her skin. z0ngz! Yes,all you need after doing that is a bit of imagination, and bam! You’ve got naked Nacchi!

I find Rika’s ribs here to be kinda disturbing. But the point of this part of the post is boobies, not ribs, so there you go, you perverts.

This was just too funny not to include. Whoever made this .gif, come talk to me, because you’re hilarious.

Yuiboobs are the only ones in H!P that I think might be the result of plastic surgery. She went from flat to boobalicious in a very short amount of time (see below). No push-up bra could do that.

It’s like anti-fanservice on the left there.

I’d love to see another Konkon photobook, now that she’s back in H!P.

Thank Gaki for fans who know how to use photoshop (no, they didn’t actually kiss. but if they had…)

So, whaddaya say, guys? Are the pageviews going to start pouring in?

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H!P my way.

March 6, 2008

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the things “wrong” with Hello! Project, and seeing Maple GreanTea’s post made me finally make the effort to organize my thoughts. It seems I’ve been replying to Maple GreanTea’s thoughts lately, huh? (Maple GreanTea, let’s be friends!)

Things Aoi♥Usagi would change about h!p:

Morning Musume:

A new graduation would not occur for at least 6 months- 1 year.

There would be auditions held for the 9th generation before ANYONE else leaves. At least three girls would be chosen (no more of this one-member generation nonsense). Personally, I want to see a Korean member, a “mood maker” member (Hi, Yaguchi #2), and… a glasses member?

The T-man would continue releasing music with a sound similar to the disco-ey sound of Resonant Blue.

Kusumi Koharu would not get any more leads until she has intensive vocal lessons. Tanaka would not get any more leads until she stops warping her voice to sound “cute” and goes back to Shabondama-era Tanaka.

Kamei would begin to subtly come to the front more and more. She would not get many leads, but will contribute solid vocals as always.

The expansion into Asia would accelerate to ludicrous speed.

The line distribution would become FAR more even.

Berryz Koubou:

Risako would begin fading to the back. Since that will never happen outside of my dreams, she goes along with Kusumi to begin intensive singing lessons.

After learning to control her voice, Risako would surprise all us non-fans by being somewhat bearable. Like in Munasawagi Scarlet.

Maasa would come to the front during the time in which Risako takes her singing lessons.

Yurina and Chinami would begin to have an interchangeable places singing within the group.

– Yurina would develop a personality beyond space cadet. She’d also begin to take up modeling.

Momoko would begin using her Buono! voice and impressing everyone.

Miyabi would release a solo single but would NOT graduate. This would be a one-time thing, similar to Takahashi’s Yume Kara Samete.

Their musical style… would still remain all over the place.

The line distribution would become FAR more even.

C-ute

Their sound would immediately go back to Tokkaiko-esque. Like, right now.

Airi would remember how she used to sing (or be forced to remember). Like back in Aa!. She misses this style and starts singing that way again. Aoi♥Usagi weeps with joy.

– Okai Chisato, Yajima Maimi and the newly vocally reborn Airi would become the lead singers, with the other girls helping out liberally. No more of this “no lines for the less promoted girls” bit.

Yurina would call up her friend Erika and tells her how much fun modeling is. Erika gives it a try.

The line distribution would become FAR more even.

The rest of h!p:

Melon Kinenbi would either get some real, quality releases SOON or graduates within the year. Before they go, Oohtani would dye her hair every color known to man and be immortalized in the Hair Hall of Fame.

Ogawa would come back to be a soloist. With her new long brown hair and same kick-ass voice and personality, people would kick themselves for not promoting her talent before. They throw themselves at her feet. She laughs and goes on to conquer the charts.

Matsuura Aya would begin to get singles similar to Ki ga Tsukeba Anata; an upbeat mature sound suitable for an adult woman, but not another boring ballad.

GAM would reform and become Aya’a new hope for the future. They’d release music similar to Thanks!.

Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons would come back in a big way.

Buono!’d continue doing what they’re doing. Eventually they’d move beyond the sphere of Shugo Chara and become a solid group.

Athena and Robbywhatever would stop releasing music for their anime. After a few months, however, the same four girls would team up again for a group with a cool image (Risa really can pull off kakkoi! Honest!). In their first single, Chisato will be featured in a room full of baseballs.

New Units:
– Kumai Yurina, Kamei Eri and Umeda Erika would team up for a group that has a sound similar to 2nd Gen. Tanpopo. I really want to see this group come into being. It’s basically my dream group.

Ai, Airi, and Aika would release one single on Valentine’s Day (please?). But no more after that.

Okada Yui and her boobs would create a new egg-centric group.

-After some rumors of a solo career, Miyoshi Erika would join Yui’s Egg group. Yui jiggles with happiness.