Damn it.

January 9, 2011

I knew it. As soon as I saw that H!O was being slower than usual, I knew that this had to be the reason.
But still. It’s too soon.


Ranking Revolution!

February 28, 2009

Just sneaking out of my self-imposed hiatus for a moment or two to babble a bit… And I do mean it- look at that title! I used alliteration! Clearly, I’m babbling.

About a year ago, I did my Hello Project Rankings for C-ute, Berryz and Momusu. To say that they’ve changed drastically since then is an understatement. So, one year later, I’ve decided to re-examine those rankings. Girls will be listed from least to most favorite. I’ll start with the Head Honchos…

Morning Musume:

(Last Year’s Thoughts:)


reina-get-out-of-the-way-of-the-epic-win#9. Tanaka Reina

Former Postion: #9

So my opinion on Reina hasn’t changed. None, nary a wit, not at all. Stop winking, stop whining when you sing, dye your hair black again. Thanks.

(And yes. The only reason I saved that picture is because Linlin is being particularly awesome in the background).

sayuaika-grope1#8. Mitsui Aika

Former Position: #3

And here’s where the drastic changes start.  How could she have fallen so far? Well… honestly, she hasn’t done much at all that I can tell since joining Momusu two-ish years ago. Her voice, if anything, has gotten worse over time, and without bangs she has a kinda scary face. Also, she seems to be hanging out with Reina more often, and that reflects negatively on her in my eyes. She is, however important in once respect:

For me, Mittsi kind of stands for all the disappointments that MM’s current members seem to be bringing. They all seem content to stay safely within the world of genki and kawaii, and Mitsui is the epitome of that. She lets her voice go to seed, putting to shame the amazing debut lines she got in Egao Yes Nude. However, there’s more to it than that. Mitsui doesn’t need to be just another boring Musume in a long line of future boring Musumes. I sense future greatness in her… in fact, here’s a little prophecy:

She’s come to provide salvation, and reconciliation with the general public for (the majority of) the MM girls’ sins of boringness and Way-Too-Cuteness. To do so, she’ll sacrifice herself: She’ll accept the punishment of falling in my wota rankings to clear the other girls of their sins…

Thousands of years from now, there’ll be a religion that’s all to do with Mittsi. There’ll be Mittsimas, to celebrate the day she joined MM, and there’ll be Sotsugyou, to commemorate the day she hung up her microphone, thus taking with her all of the evils that Momusu-kind had collected over the years. And, of course, there’ll be a seemingly random holiday about eggs and rabbits celebrating the day she was suddenly resurrected to be on some dull quiz show as a judge.

(And yes, that is a picture of Mittsi(‘s butt). That’s Mitsui getting groped by  Sayumi on the big screen behind Koha and the others in that .gif).

#7. Kusumi Koharu

Former Position: #8

I respect Kusumi. She may be a Kirari-singing, scary-toothed crack fiend, but at least she’s confident about it. She has a lot more personality than, say, Aika or Junjun.

Then again… She’s also mildly terrifying, and her voice makes my brain crawl out my ears like so many gray slugs on more than one occasion.  Thus, she’s ranked down here. And yes, I chose that picture for a reason. I’m sure Koharu and Kanna would get along just fine…

jundress1#6. Junjun

Former Position: #2

So… yeah… Junjun… kinda like with Aika, I’ve seen little improvement in The Junster during her time in Momusu. I still like her because she’s abso-bloody-lutely gorgeous, but so are most of the other girls.

#5. Takitty

Former Position: #6

I just like Takitty lately. I don’t watch enough TV shows to say whether or not she’s gotten less boring when being interviewed, but during all of their concerts she’s got the most stage presence and best voice, and that’s what counts. Takitty has the ability to make old classics interesting again. Let’s face it: When you’re a fan of Morning Musume, you’re basically signed up to watch the girls perform the same songs over and over again in increasingly desperate outfits. Yet Takahashi always puts a new spin on whatever she’s singing, and that’s enough to keep my attention for an entire performance.

gakideiyaaaaa#4. GAKIIIIIIII

Former Position: #4

No opinion change here: I love Gaki, Gaki is great, when Gaki smiles, the whole world smiles along with her. And when she makes the “(°0°)” face, so does the rest of the world. I KNOW YOU’RE ALL MAKING THAT FACE WHILE YOU READ THIS.

sayuyu#3. Sayumi~♥

Former Position: #5

I didn’t want this to happen, but it has: I just love Sayumi.

She’s too cute to be real.

22#2. Kamei Eri

Former Position: #1

Uh-huh, I went there. I dropped the Turtley Musume down a place. I still love her and if she offered me a position as her adoring wota love-slave, I’d still drop everything and hop the next plane to Japan… I just love a certain Panda much more.

linlin3#1. Linlin

Former Position: #7

This is the real reason that I decided to re-do my rankings: Linlin has gone from being in my bottom three in MM to being not only my favorite Musume, but one of my favorite H!P members! It’s like Linlin just woke up one day and accidentally drank a glass of awesome for breakfast. Her voice stopped doing horrible squeaky things, and she started smiling comforably on camera. Plus, she says and does the oddest things. She’s what I feel Momusu is missing; Someone to play the Kemeko character to contrast all the sugary sweetness we’ve got with Gaki and Kamei and Sayumi and Reina and Junjun. Cuteness is great, but there need to be some girls willing to act like a fool to show the cute ones off. Linlin knows that.

And now, because it’s my blog and I can: LINLIN PICSPAM OF (not exactly) EPIC PROPORTIONS!
linlin1

linlin2lin-being-cute-in-silver

Also, for those of you who feel cheated out of their daily dosage of the Non-Panda 8th gen. girl, here’s a token picture of Mittsi:


At least she didn’t wink.

May 28, 2008

Alternate title: Reina, get out of the way, I can’t see Saki. Or Maimi. Or Yuuka. Hell, I can barely see Ai.

I’ll keep my opinions brief. By the way, I don’t think I’ve stressed this enough, so, I HATE REINA. She’s right down there with Risako on my H!P list. The fact that Reina is in this group totally ruined it for me.

-Honestly, this PV was exactly what I was expecting. A crapload of Reina screentime, a few seconds of Saki and Maimi, and a nice but not too difficult looking dance.

-What surprised me was the lack of Yuuka-time. I thought that, as a cutie pie l’il Eggie-poo, she’d be getting a fair amount of screen time, but she gets next to nothing.

-Ai can best pull the feeling of this song/PV off, but she surprisingly gets very little screen time when compared with Reina. And mind you, I’m using Reina’s name with as much annoyance and condescension as possible. I am just awful at thinking up snappy insults and will thus leave her name as is.

-Sakitan, there are people who think you’re pretty! I certainly do. I really, REALLY wanted her to do something attention grabbing, like, I dunno, start breakdancing or drop-kick Reina or start waving around Risako’s dismembered head like it was the head of Medusa.

-This whole PV would gain +200 points in my mind if the awesome pairing of Sakitan and Maimi were given a dance battle during the bridge. Heck, even just having those two dancing together, without Ai, Reina or Yuuka doing anything to disrupt would make it better.


We’re all just a little bit sadistic…

May 23, 2008

…if we enjoy watching pretty girls get tortured with mushrooms and string.

I have to say, Ai has the most entertaining shriek of fungus-induced terror I’ve ever heard. Oh, and is it just me, or does Ai actually look a little bit like Momoko here?

It makes you wonder what person sits around in a dusty room all day thinking up new and possibly scarring ways in which to torture our idols. All I can picture is some drooling man in a straightjacket, chewing a rusty nail and babbling things like “Must shoot steam at MM members… must make Rika pet a chicken… must deprive Koharu of crack and sugar…”


Wut?

March 13, 2008

8th-gen-this-is-a-good-start.jpg

This is just a venting post about Resonant Blue.

I love this song. I really, really do. It’s fun, the vocals are pretty good, sure it’s not original, but it’s got a nice sound all the same.

And then I saw the PV. And all I can say is WHAT THE FUCK. I do not say “fuck” often, but I’m saying it now. What the FUCK?! It’s… it’s one long dance shot. With a few close-ups of Koharu, Reina and Ai. A dance shot. I mean, even La la la shiawase no Uta had something aside from just dancing and a few close-ups, despite how flimsy that something was. I’m just so furious! The first few seconds gave me so much hope: A close up on the 8th gen, and cool dark outfits. Then Mittsi and the pandas danced out to the back and sides and stayed there for the ENTIRE pv. And the thing is…the girls who do get screentime and singing time at all are some of my lesser favorites in Momusu. In fact, two out of the three who get up any real screen-time make up my MM Bottom Two.

thats-right-kussun.jpg

Yes, Kusumi. Hide your face in shame at this sad PV.

Another thing: What are they wearing? Ai and Reina look kinda cool (in a goth/pirate sort of way), but Kusumi is wearing what appears to be black sweatpants, and her dad’s shirt and vest. And the girls who don’t get to solo sing at all (IE everyone else) are dressed in head-to-toe black. All black is what the stage crew wears on opening night. They wear that so no one can see them as they set up props. The point of being a Musume is being SEEN. Blending in is not good.

give-kamei-a-line.jpg

Oh mighty lord Tsunku, give Kamei a line already!

To wrap up this pointless rant on a positive note, the few good things about this PV: Everyone, from the glimpses of them that I got over Reina, Kussun and Ai’s shoulders looked great, and Sayumin’s “HELP ME!” line was adorable and well done (A la Shabondama?).

this-is-good.jpg

Those Gaki/Kame shared lines may be the only thing that makes me want to watch this PV again.

if-only-sayu.jpg

“HELP ME!”

I’m sorry, Sayu. If only I could.


H!P my way.

March 6, 2008

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the things “wrong” with Hello! Project, and seeing Maple GreanTea’s post made me finally make the effort to organize my thoughts. It seems I’ve been replying to Maple GreanTea’s thoughts lately, huh? (Maple GreanTea, let’s be friends!)

Things Aoi♥Usagi would change about h!p:

Morning Musume:

- A new graduation would not occur for at least 6 months- 1 year.

- There would be auditions held for the 9th generation before ANYONE else leaves. At least three girls would be chosen (no more of this one-member generation nonsense). Personally, I want to see a Korean member, a “mood maker” member (Hi, Yaguchi #2), and… a glasses member?

- The T-man would continue releasing music with a sound similar to the disco-ey sound of Resonant Blue.

- Kusumi Koharu would not get any more leads until she has intensive vocal lessons. Tanaka would not get any more leads until she stops warping her voice to sound “cute” and goes back to Shabondama-era Tanaka.

- Kamei would begin to subtly come to the front more and more. She would not get many leads, but will contribute solid vocals as always.

- The expansion into Asia would accelerate to ludicrous speed.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

Berryz Koubou:

- Risako would begin fading to the back. Since that will never happen outside of my dreams, she goes along with Kusumi to begin intensive singing lessons.

- After learning to control her voice, Risako would surprise all us non-fans by being somewhat bearable. Like in Munasawagi Scarlet.

- Maasa would come to the front during the time in which Risako takes her singing lessons.

- Yurina and Chinami would begin to have an interchangeable places singing within the group.

- Yurina would develop a personality beyond space cadet. She’d also begin to take up modeling.

- Momoko would begin using her Buono! voice and impressing everyone.

- Miyabi would release a solo single but would NOT graduate. This would be a one-time thing, similar to Takahashi’s Yume Kara Samete.

- Their musical style… would still remain all over the place.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

C-ute

- Their sound would immediately go back to Tokkaiko-esque. Like, right now.

- Airi would remember how she used to sing (or be forced to remember). Like back in Aa!. She misses this style and starts singing that way again. Aoi♥Usagi weeps with joy.

- Okai Chisato, Yajima Maimi and the newly vocally reborn Airi would become the lead singers, with the other girls helping out liberally. No more of this “no lines for the less promoted girls” bit.

- Yurina would call up her friend Erika and tells her how much fun modeling is. Erika gives it a try.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

The rest of h!p:

- Melon Kinenbi would either get some real, quality releases SOON or graduates within the year. Before they go, Oohtani would dye her hair every color known to man and be immortalized in the Hair Hall of Fame.

- Ogawa would come back to be a soloist. With her new long brown hair and same kick-ass voice and personality, people would kick themselves for not promoting her talent before. They throw themselves at her feet. She laughs and goes on to conquer the charts.

- Matsuura Aya would begin to get singles similar to Ki ga Tsukeba Anata; an upbeat mature sound suitable for an adult woman, but not another boring ballad.

- GAM would reform and become Aya’a new hope for the future. They’d release music similar to Thanks!.

- Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons would come back in a big way.

- Buono!’d continue doing what they’re doing. Eventually they’d move beyond the sphere of Shugo Chara and become a solid group.

- Athena and Robbywhatever would stop releasing music for their anime. After a few months, however, the same four girls would team up again for a group with a cool image (Risa really can pull off kakkoi! Honest!). In their first single, Chisato will be featured in a room full of baseballs.

New Units:
– Kumai Yurina, Kamei Eri and Umeda Erika would team up for a group that has a sound similar to 2nd Gen. Tanpopo. I really want to see this group come into being. It’s basically my dream group.

- Ai, Airi, and Aika would release one single on Valentine’s Day (please?). But no more after that.

- Okada Yui and her boobs would create a new egg-centric group.

-After some rumors of a solo career, Miyoshi Erika would join Yui’s Egg group. Yui jiggles with happiness.


Rankings! Morning Musume

February 13, 2008

The poll going on over at Hello! Blog has given me the perfect excuse to do member rankings for each of the Big Three! Mua ha ha. I’ll start with Morning Musume.momusu-ranking.jpg

1st: The wonderful Turtely Musume! Kamei caught my eye almost entirely because of her Maple photobook. I’d liked her before that, too, but on seeing that she was actually seriously gorgeous, I decided to pay more attention to Kamei. What I saw was a sweet girl who was funny in such a gentle, unassuming manner that I immediately felt like I could easily talk to her. I also love her voice; some people may find it a bit odd sounding, but she has the most amazing range! Everyone cites “Haru Beautiful Everyday” as an example of her brilliant range, and, well, I agree. If you haven’t heard that song, from the Sexy 8 Beat album, it should be listened to. As soon as possible.

2nd: Next comes Li Chun! I liked her the best out of the two Chinese members, and I just get this… good feeling about her. Her responses to the cruel remarks in her blog really impressed me and what I can hear of her voice does not disappoint. Plus, and I will be entirely shallow here: She has an amazing body. Unlike some other members (Reina) she has a shape to her, and is not stick skinny. It’s a nice change of pace to see someone with a a somewhat more “normal” body type in an Idol group.

3rd: It really was hard for me to pick Junjun over Mittsi. I mean, Aika is just about the cutest creature to be born on this earth in the last few decades or so! Plus, she was the first member of Morning Musume that I could watch grow and change in real time. Her voice… can either be quite nice (Dekiru Onna) or kinda… odd. But I like it. I think her new short haircut suits her very well!

4th: Gaki. Gaki Gaki Gaki! I love Gaki. Her voice, her smile, the huge way in which she’s developed and changed over the years, everything. I feel like her voice is a clearer version of Takahashi Ai’s, and it doesn’t seem to go all deep when she’s exhausted. She always sounds great when she gets lines in singles, albums songs and the like, and so I’d love it if Gaki became a lead singer. Actually, she reminds me a bit of fellow 5th gen member Ogawa Makoto. They’re both very strong vocally, but they seem to fall back on the safe “genki/cute” personality that doesn’t help them to stand out much.

5th: My opinion has changed so much about Sayumi. Seriously, I could not stand this girl. Now? I think she’s too cute for words. I even kind of like her voice. But the best thing about her is her “secret” sexy side (that’s like a tongue twister). It’s this little hidden facet to her personality that I like.

6th: Takitty I like, but I do not love her. She’s very pretty and has a nice voice, but I feel that there’s something missing from her. I don’t know if what everyone says about her personality is true (IE, that she’s lacking one), but… it’s not like she’s Yossy, where you watch one little clip of her and know, immediately, what her character is like. I want to know more about Takahashi.

7th: The one whose face reminds me of a fox! I can’t say too much about Linlin. She kind of got this ranking because she’s not Kusumi or Tanaka. Sorry! But I did like her in that newcomers’ concert from a while ago. She sounded quite good in Special Generation! And there’s this one odd Linlin moment that I like: At the end of the 8th gen+ Kusumi performance of Furusato when Linlin says “Domo arigatou gozaimashita!, the way she says it is so weird that I can’t help loving it.

8th: I don’t hate Kusumi. I used to. I no longer do, and that is simply because she can be very, very entertaining. Actually, at first I adored Kusumi. This was back when Berryz was the only reason I knew of h!p. I was searching for videos of Yurina, and came up with the Yurina/Kusumi/Ogawa version of “Pittari Shitai Christmas” (on looking back, could they have made it any more obvious that Kusumi was to be the new Goto?). I really liked Kusumi in that video, and then I found her (then only two) solo singles and loved her. That later turned into dislike when she started being shoved in our faces all of the time even though she really can’t sing. But now that’s mellowed out, and I don’t mind her.

9th: Ohhhh dear. So, Tanaka is my least favorite member. She’s the only member I dislike, actually (it’s like this with all of the big three. The only member I dislike is the one I put last; all the others are at least okay). I would even go so far as to say she’s my least favorite member in all of H!P. And what really bothers me is I can’t seem to figure out a good reason why, other than that she gives off an air of fake-ness. Please don’t kill me, fans of Reina. But that’s what I feel from her. Out of all of Morning Musume, past and present, she is the only one to remind me of kids at my school, always posturing and all that. Although, like Kusumi, I used to like Reina. I liked her in Aa!. But unlike Kusumi, once I started to dislike her, my opinion didn’t mellow out with time.

Leaving off on that positive note, I thank you for reading. I shall rank Berryz next, and C-ute last.


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