Love and Peace!

http://www.dohhhup.com/movie/Hw3ii5IZQJiwENEJn1EkYwinAP8iwXuA/view.php

HAHAHA 2:23 IN THIS VIDEO HAHAHA.

Now, I tend to be the last person in the world to notice things, so everyone’s probably already seen this, but… Sayumi’s delighted face right after makes me so happy.

I’m pretty sure that the header of my blog came from a performance of this song, too (Someone who’s really on top of these kinds of things, can you tell me if that’s so?)

I love it when Momusu plays Kiss-the-Leader!

Sad…

Sad… sad… very sad!

My parents and I… were going to go to California- to see Momusu!

But in the end, it didn’t work out. T_T.

I just feel bad- it’s like, Momusu made this huge effort to come all the way to America. I feel like I owe it to them to meet them halfway and make the effort to get to California. The fact that it’s at the exact opposite end of the country is only a tiny obstacle! Rawr!

…

Guys, those of you who are going to see them, enjoy it for me!

New Mini Moni, Old Mini Moni… oi!

Hi, everybody!

Well, let’s see! I haven’t blogged since Yossy’s birthday, I do believe. Why? Well, I have been mostly enjoying reading the blogs of others- you’re all amazing (yes, you). But something so momentous, so incredible, so unbelievable has happened that I have to come out of my semi-retirement to blog about it:

Tsunku may have actually had a good idea.

I’m sure that you’ve guessed that I’m talking about the revival of MiniMoni. I think that this move is risky but brilliant on the part of the T-man, and if he plays this right (IE composes it of all of the members I want ;3 ), it could be very successful. And if not, wellllll, it’ll at least be fun for the wota!

~~~

(I mean, seriously, look at this man. Ridiculous).

Now, there have been countless times in which Tsunku has appeared to be on drugs when coming up with a new idea involving H!P. Sometimes he seemed to have been on something very good- I’m thinking that this was the case when he came up with The Peace, decided to include children who could barely speak in his project and train them to be superidols bent on draining our wallets, not telling Niigaki Risa to take herself and her bean-shaped head the hell out of his auditions and including Tsuji into the fourth generation at the last minute. But more often the inventions of the insane man behind H!P’s inventions have been, well, insane.

~~

(I mean, seriously, look at this group. Ridiculous).

Take Coconuts Musume. CocoMusu were essentially a bunch of awkward, semi-talented Hawaiians who spoke little to no Japanese and looked gigantic next to the petite and supernaturally pretty MM members. They didn’t sell well, and the line-up bounced around enough to make even the best Wota’s eyes spin. And Tsunku was originally very excited about them. They’re not the only ones, though. Most of H!P has had to deal with Tsunku’s crackosity at one time or another: He treated Melon Kinenbi so badly that they quickly became a running joke amongst fans, and even Berryz fell prey to his lunacy (“HEEEEY! Heeey, man, let’s, like, dress ‘em up in MONKEY suits! And have ‘em sings songs! About MONKEYS!” “Dude, you’re, like, brilliant.”). So, I’ve learned to take most of what Tsunku says and look at it through a filter- a loving, incredulous but indulgent filter. “Oh, that’s just Tsunku being on ecstasy again, it’ll all turn out fine in a few days, no worries.”

(“TSUNKUUUUUU! I WILL DEVOUR YOUR LIVER!”)

~~

With all that, what makes me think that this revival of a classic group would ever be a good idea, when H!P is stagnant in its popularity and the economy looks like a Johnny’s member without make-up (According to Newsweek, Japan’s economy this year has taken the largest yearlong plunge in decades)?

For one, at least in the beginning, this group should get great publicity. It’s a revival of a group whose old fans are at the right age to look back nostalgically at- “Ah, Mini Moni were so great. I loved listening to their music after school!” In the idol industry, which is all about image, publicity is everything. When people see you, they’re more likely to buy.

Secondly, H!P is moving towards a more mature image. Yes, C-ute’s newest cover single sounds like it was sung by Airi and the Chipmunks, but the other groups are shifting towards a more mature style, Morning Musume especially. At the same time, there’s some holding back. Morning Musume has done dance-y and a little sad in their latest singles, and Dakishimete Dakishimete dabbled in sexiness, but nothing really sultry has come from H!P in a long, long time, whether it be in the form of a song or a group. In fact, the only sultry prodcut of H!P that comes to mind is the original  Tanpopo line-up, and that was back when Morning Musume members were allowed to be real, sexual beings. I feel that with a new Mini Moni to keep up H!P’s playful, childish side, Tsunku may feel more comfortable experimenting with the sultrier side of things. Put those awesome Korean H!P hopefuls to use!

So which H!P members do I think would make this new group a success? Well, that depends.

First, how many members does Tsunku want? Technically there was a time when MiniMoni had five members. I’d like to assume, though, that Tsunku will stick with four.

Will the group have the same theme? Well, we all seem to be assuming that this’ll be a bright, childish group, and that seems about right. If it’s not, then my post is mostly rendered moot. And I hate being made moot.

Second, will he stick with the 150 cm height rule? That seems unlikely, as very few non-Egg members of H!P match that rule. However, since this will be a children’s group (we hope), the members might still stay on the short side.

Third, what groups will the members be from? In my idealized world in which the only drugs Tsunku takes are the ones that he uses to help out in bed with his trophy wife, he’ll choose one girl from each group (BK, C-ute, the Eggs and MM).

The criteria are thus that  there’ll be one member from each group, that the height doesn’t matter but should be shortish, and that the group will be childlike and happy.

So taking that into consideration, here it is:

AOI♥USAGI’S PERFECT NEW MINIMONI FORMATION:

Of course Kanon is already in the group, but I would’ve chosen her anyways: She’s the perfect new Kago. She’s sweet, adorable as hell and has a good voice.

Please let Chisato into the group! She’s little, she’s spunky, and she’s simultaneously able to pull off Tsuji-like levels of mischevousness and Mikitty-like levels of singing ability. She needs to be C-ute’s representative in this group!

Momoko is insane and has a unique, powerful voice. Her personality takes second place to none and she can hold her own on variety shows. She’d be the Mari-figure that this group needs. Plus, she’s tiny! Yay!

Yay Linlin! Lin gets to be the crazy foreigner (IE Mika) of this group. She’s a fabulous singer, just like Mika, tiny, full of personality, and can teach us another language! Just please don’t make her wear the Chinese flag on her head in the form of an ugly bandanna, please.

So there you go Tsunku, get off your pills and read my blog. Or stay on your pills and read my blog, for all I care. Just read it!

Disclaimer: Of course, this is the T-man that we’re talking about. It’s completely likely that this group will end up containing Kumai Yurina, Junjun, Umeda Erika, and a half-dozen eggs chosen at random. C’est la vie!

Ranking Revolution!

Just sneaking out of my self-imposed hiatus for a moment or two to babble a bit… And I do mean it- look at that title! I used alliteration! Clearly, I’m babbling.

About a year ago, I did my Hello Project Rankings for C-ute, Berryz and Momusu. To say that they’ve changed drastically since then is an understatement. So, one year later, I’ve decided to re-examine those rankings. Girls will be listed from least to most favorite. I’ll start with the Head Honchos…

Morning Musume:

(Last Year’s Thoughts:)

#9. Tanaka Reina

Former Postion: #9

So my opinion on Reina hasn’t changed. None, nary a wit, not at all. Stop winking, stop whining when you sing, dye your hair black again. Thanks.

(And yes. The only reason I saved that picture is because Linlin is being particularly awesome in the background).

#8. Mitsui Aika

Former Position: #3

And here’s where the drastic changes start.  How could she have fallen so far? Well… honestly, she hasn’t done much at all that I can tell since joining Momusu two-ish years ago. Her voice, if anything, has gotten worse over time, and without bangs she has a kinda scary face. Also, she seems to be hanging out with Reina more often, and that reflects negatively on her in my eyes. She is, however important in once respect:

For me, Mittsi kind of stands for all the disappointments that MM’s current members seem to be bringing. They all seem content to stay safely within the world of genki and kawaii, and Mitsui is the epitome of that. She lets her voice go to seed, putting to shame the amazing debut lines she got in Egao Yes Nude. However, there’s more to it than that. Mitsui doesn’t need to be just another boring Musume in a long line of future boring Musumes. I sense future greatness in her… in fact, here’s a little prophecy:

She’s come to provide salvation, and reconciliation with the general public for (the majority of) the MM girls’ sins of boringness and Way-Too-Cuteness. To do so, she’ll sacrifice herself: She’ll accept the punishment of falling in my wota rankings to clear the other girls of their sins…

Thousands of years from now, there’ll be a religion that’s all to do with Mittsi. There’ll be Mittsimas, to celebrate the day she joined MM, and there’ll be Sotsugyou, to commemorate the day she hung up her microphone, thus taking with her all of the evils that Momusu-kind had collected over the years. And, of course, there’ll be a seemingly random holiday about eggs and rabbits celebrating the day she was suddenly resurrected to be on some dull quiz show as a judge.

(And yes, that is a picture of Mittsi(’s butt). That’s Mitsui getting groped by  Sayumi on the big screen behind Koha and the others in that .gif).

#7. Kusumi Koharu

Former Position: #8

I respect Kusumi. She may be a Kirari-singing, scary-toothed crack fiend, but at least she’s confident about it. She has a lot more personality than, say, Aika or Junjun.

Then again… She’s also mildly terrifying, and her voice makes my brain crawl out my ears like so many gray slugs on more than one occasion.  Thus, she’s ranked down here. And yes, I chose that picture for a reason. I’m sure Koharu and Kanna would get along just fine…

#6. Junjun

Former Position: #2

So… yeah… Junjun… kinda like with Aika, I’ve seen little improvement in The Junster during her time in Momusu. I still like her because she’s abso-bloody-lutely gorgeous, but so are most of the other girls.

#5. Takitty

Former Position: #6

I just like Takitty lately. I don’t watch enough TV shows to say whether or not she’s gotten less boring when being interviewed, but during all of their concerts she’s got the most stage presence and best voice, and that’s what counts. Takitty has the ability to make old classics interesting again. Let’s face it: When you’re a fan of Morning Musume, you’re basically signed up to watch the girls perform the same songs over and over again in increasingly desperate outfits. Yet Takahashi always puts a new spin on whatever she’s singing, and that’s enough to keep my attention for an entire performance.

#4. GAKIIIIIIII

Former Position: #4

No opinion change here: I love Gaki, Gaki is great, when Gaki smiles, the whole world smiles along with her. And when she makes the “(°0°)” face, so does the rest of the world. I KNOW YOU’RE ALL MAKING THAT FACE WHILE YOU READ THIS.

#3. Sayumi~♥

Former Position: #5

I didn’t want this to happen, but it has: I just love Sayumi.

She’s too cute to be real.

#2. Kamei Eri

Former Position: #1

Uh-huh, I went there. I dropped the Turtley Musume down a place. I still love her and if she offered me a position as her adoring wota love-slave, I’d still drop everything and hop the next plane to Japan… I just love a certain Panda much more.

#1. Linlin

Former Position: #7

This is the real reason that I decided to re-do my rankings: Linlin has gone from being in my bottom three in MM to being not only my favorite Musume, but one of my favorite H!P members! It’s like Linlin just woke up one day and accidentally drank a glass of awesome for breakfast. Her voice stopped doing horrible squeaky things, and she started smiling comforably on camera. Plus, she says and does the oddest things. She’s what I feel Momusu is missing; Someone to play the Kemeko character to contrast all the sugary sweetness we’ve got with Gaki and Kamei and Sayumi and Reina and Junjun. Cuteness is great, but there need to be some girls willing to act like a fool to show the cute ones off. Linlin knows that.

…

And now, because it’s my blog and I can: LINLIN PICSPAM OF (not exactly) EPIC PROPORTIONS!

Also, for those of you who feel cheated out of their daily dosage of the Non-Panda 8th gen. girl, here’s a token picture of Mittsi:

“That sucks!”

Every job has its occupational hazards. My tennis instructor used to dream about being beaten by tennis rackets. Teachers probably DREAD being stuck teaching summer school. But what does this have to do with H!P, you wonder? Girls within H!P are all happy and eternally joyous, right? Wrong. There have to be some things that suck about being within H!P, and, dammit, I’m going to figure them out and type them up for your perusal! And before you ask, yes, this post was inspired by this clip.

(By the way, while some of these are serious, most aren’t.)

10.) Tsunku.

No matter how you look at it, this guy is creepy. And, my friends, this scary dude is the one making most of the decisions in your immediate future. How can a man who can’t even responsibly pick a hair color that matches his eyebrows decide the future of your entire group? (Answer: he can’t) And then he decides to go put out versions of your singles that utterly ruin the songs for the fans…

9.) Scandals.

They just never work out in your favor. Unless you’re Yajima Maimi, because MeguKami’s graduation did her a world of good.

8.) Fan-made “curses.”

There are quite a lot of these, and while they might not exactly have a direct effect on you if you’re a H!P member, it must get pretty annoying how a fan’ll make a curse out of ANYTHING these days. And I mean anything. For example, we have the rather famous and seemingly legit Love Machine curse, as well as the more far-fetched Sexy Otona-jan, Aruiteru and W curses.

Most of these, with the Love Machine curse being the obvious exception, are complete and utter tomfoolery (Yes, I said tomfoolery) despite how entertaining they are. In fact, to show just how easy it is to make up a curse if you’re a H!P fan, I’ve made one up for you now:

The 4-member Group Curse (Catchy, no?): All groups with four members will be doomed to poor sales, and a very slow/short run of market activity. Let’s examine this more closely, shall we (and seriously, how gorgeous does Kaori look in that picture)?

The four-members groups who have been/are in H!P are: Melon Kinenbi, SI*NA, Tanpopo gens. 2 and 3, T&C Bomber, Athena and Robikerottsu and DEF. DIVA. Melon Kinenbi, T&C Bomber and Athena and Robikerororororoooo all had fairly low sales, especially Athena and Robyblahblah. DEF. DIVA only put out one real single, and SI*NA hasn’t put out anything and is unlikely to in the near future. The third gen of Tanpopo sold poorly and only released one single. EDIT: Thanks to Nozofan, I realize that I’d forgotten Mini Moni. Well, they were doing just fine when Yagu was their leader, but the moment that Takahashi moved in, the sales plummetted. The only exception is thus the 2nd gen of Tanpopo, which did quite well. But I’m going to ignore that, because this is MY curse and I get to say what’s legit or not. Moving on!

7. Exhausting schedules.

This is one of those serious things that must suck about being in H!P. Thanks to the lovely Ishiguro Aya, we know that the girls often get as little as 3 hours of sleep a night. I’m dead if I get any less than 6 hours, so just the idea of getting 3 hours of sleep and then running straight to the next photoshoot/interview/performance is just… terrifying. Someone, I think it was Yoshimi, pointed out the dark circles under the eyes of some of the girls (Ai, Koharu) on the ONSA covers, and she was right. The girls really do look overly tired there. This work-life is partially what pushed Goto out of H!P, as well. Nakazawa Yuko had to graduate from Momusu because she couldn’t physically keep up with the younger girls’ activities. If UFA isn’t careful, they’re going to start losing girls left and right to sheer exhaustion.

6. Eggs.

You never know when one is going to crack.

5. Anyone from Johnny’s.

(Look, one of the three members of Johnny’s that I can recognize! The other two being Golf and Mike.)

Because on the inside you know that at the end of the day, no matter how much sparlkejuice you put in your hair, how many fake gems and human babies plastic flowers you stick to your nails, or how many peace signs you flash, they will still always be girlier than you.

4. Random black dudes who are hired to lip-synch in your PVs.

‘Nuff said.

3. Your group-mates.

Let me expand here. While it’s true that most girls in H!P seem to get along splendidly, there have been those who, on occasion, don’t get along at all (Rika and Miki being prime examples). And when you don’t like someone, being stuck with them day after day, forced to put on a smiling front for the fans, is near torture. Even the best of friends start getting on one another’s nerves if they spend too much time together.

2. The futility.

(Notice that Risako is almost twice the size of Shimizu Saki. That’s just sad.)

In H!P, you’re basically stuck in the same place among fans from the moment you debut. True, there are exceptions (kamei, Gaki), but generally it’s a futile task to try and become more popular within your group if you’re already one of the ones pushed to the back. Is this fair? No, of course not. It leads me to wonder, what would H!P lose if it did start promoting girls more equally? Would it kill the sales if Risako got one less line and ShimiSaki one more? I doubt it.

Which brings us to, finally, the number one worst thing about being a member of H!P:

1. That time of the month…

I’m completely serious here. Most of the members of H!P are 14 or older, and they are all girls, so eventually it’s going to be that time. For you bachelors out there who don’t already know, girls on their period are scary. And if you can imagine dancing around for hours on end, singing your lungs out, and smiling non-stop while all the while your stomach is cramping like crazy and all you want to do is stay in bed with a hot water bottle and bite the head off of anyone who comes near you, you’ll see that this is truly the most awful aspect of being in H!P.

We’re all just a little bit sadistic…

…if we enjoy watching pretty girls get tortured with mushrooms and string.

I have to say, Ai has the most entertaining shriek of fungus-induced terror I’ve ever heard. Oh, and is it just me, or does Ai actually look a little bit like Momoko here?

It makes you wonder what person sits around in a dusty room all day thinking up new and possibly scarring ways in which to torture our idols. All I can picture is some drooling man in a straightjacket, chewing a rusty nail and babbling things like “Must shoot steam at MM members… must make Rika pet a chicken… must deprive Koharu of crack and sugar…”

Maybe it’s just a coincidence…

First it was Airi, Risako and Sayumi singing Momoiro Kataomoi:

Then it was Sayu and Risako with Robokiss:

Now at the upcoming joint Berryz and C-ute concert, we have Risako and Airi singing a duet version of Very Beauty.

It’s always interesting when H!P repeats things like they do here. Sometimes I wonder about Tsunku’s decisions. I wonder how he came up with songs like The Peace and Sou Da! We’re Alive, why he constantly promotes only certain girls, and why the hell he can’t create a decent faster song for Matsuura Aya anymore. Then I realize that I already know why. The reason, my friends, is that Tsunku can afford better drugs than most. And he can probably afford a lot of ‘em.

I predict that Airi and Sayu will be performing a duet sometime soon… Oh, and is it just me, or does Risako dance incredibly lazily? Just more to hate about her…

Wut?

This is just a venting post about Resonant Blue.

I love this song. I really, really do. It’s fun, the vocals are pretty good, sure it’s not original, but it’s got a nice sound all the same.

And then I saw the PV. And all I can say is WHAT THE FUCK. I do not say “fuck” often, but I’m saying it now. What the FUCK?! It’s… it’s one long dance shot. With a few close-ups of Koharu, Reina and Ai. A dance shot. I mean, even La la la shiawase no Uta had something aside from just dancing and a few close-ups, despite how flimsy that something was. I’m just so furious! The first few seconds gave me so much hope: A close up on the 8th gen, and cool dark outfits. Then Mittsi and the pandas danced out to the back and sides and stayed there for the ENTIRE pv. And the thing is…the girls who do get screentime and singing time at all are some of my lesser favorites in Momusu. In fact, two out of the three who get up any real screen-time make up my MM Bottom Two.

Yes, Kusumi. Hide your face in shame at this sad PV.

Another thing: What are they wearing? Ai and Reina look kinda cool (in a goth/pirate sort of way), but Kusumi is wearing what appears to be black sweatpants, and her dad’s shirt and vest. And the girls who don’t get to solo sing at all (IE everyone else) are dressed in head-to-toe black. All black is what the stage crew wears on opening night. They wear that so no one can see them as they set up props. The point of being a Musume is being SEEN. Blending in is not good.

Oh mighty lord Tsunku, give Kamei a line already!

To wrap up this pointless rant on a positive note, the few good things about this PV: Everyone, from the glimpses of them that I got over Reina, Kussun and Ai’s shoulders looked great, and Sayumin’s “HELP ME!” line was adorable and well done (A la Shabondama?).

Those Gaki/Kame shared lines may be the only thing that makes me want to watch this PV again.

“HELP ME!”

I’m sorry, Sayu. If only I could.

H!P my way.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the things “wrong” with Hello! Project, and seeing Maple GreanTea’s post made me finally make the effort to organize my thoughts. It seems I’ve been replying to Maple GreanTea’s thoughts lately, huh? (Maple GreanTea, let’s be friends!)

Things Aoi♥Usagi would change about h!p:

Morning Musume:

- A new graduation would not occur for at least 6 months- 1 year.

- There would be auditions held for the 9^th generation before ANYONE else leaves. At least three girls would be chosen (no more of this one-member generation nonsense). Personally, I want to see a Korean member, a “mood maker” member (Hi, Yaguchi #2), and… a glasses member?

- The T-man would continue releasing music with a sound similar to the disco-ey sound of Resonant Blue.

- Kusumi Koharu would not get any more leads until she has intensive vocal lessons. Tanaka would not get any more leads until she stops warping her voice to sound “cute” and goes back to Shabondama-era Tanaka.

- Kamei would begin to subtly come to the front more and more. She would not get many leads, but will contribute solid vocals as always.

- The expansion into Asia would accelerate to ludicrous speed.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

Berryz Koubou:

- Risako would begin fading to the back. Since that will never happen outside of my dreams, she goes along with Kusumi to begin intensive singing lessons.

- After learning to control her voice, Risako would surprise all us non-fans by being somewhat bearable. Like in Munasawagi Scarlet.

- Maasa would come to the front during the time in which Risako takes her singing lessons.

- Yurina and Chinami would begin to have an interchangeable places singing within the group.

- Yurina would develop a personality beyond space cadet. She’d also begin to take up modeling.

- Momoko would begin using her Buono! voice and impressing everyone.

- Miyabi would release a solo single but would NOT graduate. This would be a one-time thing, similar to Takahashi’s Yume Kara Samete.

- Their musical style… would still remain all over the place.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

C-ute

- Their sound would immediately go back to Tokkaiko-esque. Like, right now.

- Airi would remember how she used to sing (or be forced to remember). Like back in Aa!. She misses this style and starts singing that way again. Aoi♥Usagi weeps with joy.

- Okai Chisato, Yajima Maimi and the newly vocally reborn Airi would become the lead singers, with the other girls helping out liberally. No more of this “no lines for the less promoted girls” bit.

- Yurina would call up her friend Erika and tells her how much fun modeling is. Erika gives it a try.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

The rest of h!p:

- Melon Kinenbi would either get some real, quality releases SOON or graduates within the year. Before they go, Oohtani would dye her hair every color known to man and be immortalized in the Hair Hall of Fame.

- Ogawa would come back to be a soloist. With her new long brown hair and same kick-ass voice and personality, people would kick themselves for not promoting her talent before. They throw themselves at her feet. She laughs and goes on to conquer the charts.

- Matsuura Aya would begin to get singles similar to Ki ga Tsukeba Anata; an upbeat mature sound suitable for an adult woman, but not another boring ballad.

- GAM would reform and become Aya’a new hope for the future. They’d release music similar to Thanks!.

- Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons would come back in a big way.

- Buono!’d continue doing what they’re doing. Eventually they’d move beyond the sphere of Shugo Chara and become a solid group.

- Athena and Robbywhatever would stop releasing music for their anime. After a few months, however, the same four girls would team up again for a group with a cool image (Risa really can pull off kakkoi! Honest!). In their first single, Chisato will be featured in a room full of baseballs.

New Units:
- Kumai Yurina, Kamei Eri and Umeda Erika would team up for a group that has a sound similar to 2nd Gen. Tanpopo. I really want to see this group come into being. It’s basically my dream group.

- Ai, Airi, and Aika would release one single on Valentine’s Day (please?). But no more after that.

- Okada Yui and her boobs would create a new egg-centric group.

-After some rumors of a solo career, Miyoshi Erika would join Yui’s Egg group. Yui jiggles with happiness.

Resonance

Most of you will have heard the preview for Momusu’s Resonant Blue by now. I love it. It’s exactly the sort of song that I feel  Morning Musume should be coming out with. However, that’s not the best thing about this song. I was playing it (fairly loudly) while a friend of mine was over. This friend is used to me trying to force her to listen to my J-pop, which she basically hates. But when Resonant Blue started to play, she absolutely loved it. She asked me if she could buy it, and failing that, if she could get it on her Ipod.

Interesting. I look forward to showing her the PV when it comes out.