New Mini Moni, Old Mini Moni… oi!

Hi, everybody!

Well, let’s see! I haven’t blogged since Yossy’s birthday, I do believe. Why? Well, I have been mostly enjoying reading the blogs of others- you’re all amazing (yes, you). But something so momentous, so incredible, so unbelievable has happened that I have to come out of my semi-retirement to blog about it:

Tsunku may have actually had a good idea.

I’m sure that you’ve guessed that I’m talking about the revival of MiniMoni. I think that this move is risky but brilliant on the part of the T-man, and if he plays this right (IE composes it of all of the members I want ;3 ), it could be very successful. And if not, wellllll, it’ll at least be fun for the wota!

~~~

(I mean, seriously, look at this man. Ridiculous).

Now, there have been countless times in which Tsunku has appeared to be on drugs when coming up with a new idea involving H!P. Sometimes he seemed to have been on something very good- I’m thinking that this was the case when he came up with The Peace, decided to include children who could barely speak in his project and train them to be superidols bent on draining our wallets, not telling Niigaki Risa to take herself and her bean-shaped head the hell out of his auditions and including Tsuji into the fourth generation at the last minute. But more often the inventions of the insane man behind H!P’s inventions have been, well, insane.

~~

(I mean, seriously, look at this group. Ridiculous).

Take Coconuts Musume. CocoMusu were essentially a bunch of awkward, semi-talented Hawaiians who spoke little to no Japanese and looked gigantic next to the petite and supernaturally pretty MM members. They didn’t sell well, and the line-up bounced around enough to make even the best Wota’s eyes spin. And Tsunku was originally very excited about them. They’re not the only ones, though. Most of H!P has had to deal with Tsunku’s crackosity at one time or another: He treated Melon Kinenbi so badly that they quickly became a running joke amongst fans, and even Berryz fell prey to his lunacy (“HEEEEY! Heeey, man, let’s, like, dress ‘em up in MONKEY suits! And have ‘em sings songs! About MONKEYS!” “Dude, you’re, like, brilliant.”). So, I’ve learned to take most of what Tsunku says and look at it through a filter- a loving, incredulous but indulgent filter. “Oh, that’s just Tsunku being on ecstasy again, it’ll all turn out fine in a few days, no worries.”

(“TSUNKUUUUUU! I WILL DEVOUR YOUR LIVER!”)

~~

With all that, what makes me think that this revival of a classic group would ever be a good idea, when H!P is stagnant in its popularity and the economy looks like a Johnny’s member without make-up (According to Newsweek, Japan’s economy this year has taken the largest yearlong plunge in decades)?

For one, at least in the beginning, this group should get great publicity. It’s a revival of a group whose old fans are at the right age to look back nostalgically at- “Ah, Mini Moni were so great. I loved listening to their music after school!” In the idol industry, which is all about image, publicity is everything. When people see you, they’re more likely to buy.

Secondly, H!P is moving towards a more mature image. Yes, C-ute’s newest cover single sounds like it was sung by Airi and the Chipmunks, but the other groups are shifting towards a more mature style, Morning Musume especially. At the same time, there’s some holding back. Morning Musume has done dance-y and a little sad in their latest singles, and Dakishimete Dakishimete dabbled in sexiness, but nothing really sultry has come from H!P in a long, long time, whether it be in the form of a song or a group. In fact, the only sultry prodcut of H!P that comes to mind is the original  Tanpopo line-up, and that was back when Morning Musume members were allowed to be real, sexual beings. I feel that with a new Mini Moni to keep up H!P’s playful, childish side, Tsunku may feel more comfortable experimenting with the sultrier side of things. Put those awesome Korean H!P hopefuls to use!

So which H!P members do I think would make this new group a success? Well, that depends.

First, how many members does Tsunku want? Technically there was a time when MiniMoni had five members. I’d like to assume, though, that Tsunku will stick with four.

Will the group have the same theme? Well, we all seem to be assuming that this’ll be a bright, childish group, and that seems about right. If it’s not, then my post is mostly rendered moot. And I hate being made moot.

Second, will he stick with the 150 cm height rule? That seems unlikely, as very few non-Egg members of H!P match that rule. However, since this will be a children’s group (we hope), the members might still stay on the short side.

Third, what groups will the members be from? In my idealized world in which the only drugs Tsunku takes are the ones that he uses to help out in bed with his trophy wife, he’ll choose one girl from each group (BK, C-ute, the Eggs and MM).

The criteria are thus that  there’ll be one member from each group, that the height doesn’t matter but should be shortish, and that the group will be childlike and happy.

So taking that into consideration, here it is:

AOI♥USAGI’S PERFECT NEW MINIMONI FORMATION:

Of course Kanon is already in the group, but I would’ve chosen her anyways: She’s the perfect new Kago. She’s sweet, adorable as hell and has a good voice.

Please let Chisato into the group! She’s little, she’s spunky, and she’s simultaneously able to pull off Tsuji-like levels of mischevousness and Mikitty-like levels of singing ability. She needs to be C-ute’s representative in this group!

Momoko is insane and has a unique, powerful voice. Her personality takes second place to none and she can hold her own on variety shows. She’d be the Mari-figure that this group needs. Plus, she’s tiny! Yay!

Yay Linlin! Lin gets to be the crazy foreigner (IE Mika) of this group. She’s a fabulous singer, just like Mika, tiny, full of personality, and can teach us another language! Just please don’t make her wear the Chinese flag on her head in the form of an ugly bandanna, please.

So there you go Tsunku, get off your pills and read my blog. Or stay on your pills and read my blog, for all I care. Just read it!

Disclaimer: Of course, this is the T-man that we’re talking about. It’s completely likely that this group will end up containing Kumai Yurina, Junjun, Umeda Erika, and a half-dozen eggs chosen at random. C’est la vie!

FOREVER LOVE… y’mean Tokkaiko 2, right?

A good friend of mine was recently killed in a car crash. He was one of my closest friends; my confidant, the person I talked to when I wanted an unbiased opinion. Needless to say, I’ve been taking it hard. I’ve barely had the energy to check up on the latest H!P news, much less post a review of anything (such as, say Nacchi’s new PV. My opinion of that can be pretty much summed up like this: Amazing PV, but get rid of the dorky cheesy sci-fi lights). So it’s going to take something pretty spectacular to pull me out of my mourning.

C-ute’s new PV is not that thing, but it’s still pretty damn good. I’m loving that they sprung some surprise outfits on us for the dance shot. I’m also loving that no one even bothered to hide the fact that Berryz got the crappier computers for their PV. It speaks volumes about the current placement of these two groups within H!P’s priority list. Berryz has basically become a joke, sort of like Melon Kinenbi did when they released their infamous PV for Onegai Miwaku no Target. I mean, look at this:

Chisato: Ha ha ha! OMG, the girl in that picture’s totally got octopus hair! Lol, what a lame-o!

Kanna: … Wonder if I should tell Chisato that that’s one of her official UFA pics from this PV? They basically photoshop her into unrecognizeability anyways. so it shouldn’t matter, but…

Erika: Mai, how many times must I tell you? Stop trying to unhook my bra in public. Just wait till later, okay?

Mai: C’mon, baby. No one’s watching! Just for a few minutes!

Airi: And that, my friends, is how you download free porn.

Maimi: Wooooow! Airi, who knew you had such hidden talents?

Saki: Hey, that girl in this hentai kinda looks like Yaguchi Mari! Only her name’s Yauchi. What’s this called again? Shining Musume? Funny, that almost sounds like… Oh.

I’m pleased, in general, with how the girls look. The menswear theme is really cool, and I’m loving the boots. With the alternate outfits, each of the girls gets a somewhat menswear inspired feminine outfit, expect for Airi, who’s wearing a particularly attractive little capelet which is nevertheless the aboslute worst thing to be wearing when dancing. It kills her movements. I think I’m the most in love with Mai’s clothes. The remind me of Kanashimi Twilight.

The worst outfit award HAS to go to Kanna. She has this odd overall outfit in a really heinous plaid. It totally doesn’t fit around her hips, and it makes her torso look way too short. The hat and the scarf just make it that much worse. She ends up looking like she’s gotten confused as to whether she’s being Orphan Annie or one of the factory boys from Oliver.

However, something else stood out to me about this screen-shot, something far more interesting than the fact that whoever chose Kanna’s clothes was obviously high:

OMG, ChisaTUSH for the win!

Like this move? Takahashi taught it to me. It’s really original and makes me look distraught and hurt, lol!

Maimi was, as usual, looking stunning. For me, Maimi herself isn’t physically my type. She’s pretty, but not in a way that I really care about. But something about the way she carries herself really appeals to me. Maybe it’s because that she’s actually a UFA built cyborg that she carries herself like that, the original having been absorbed by the ManoCreature ages ago.

Bitch, on your knees. Lick my boots. Curl my hair. Kill Momoko and Miyabi so I can go solo.

Somehow… Airi… really made me happy in this one. Maybe it’s because, when I showed my friend who died the Tokaikko Junjou PV, he really liked her, and ever after he inquired about her if I brought C-ute up.

Or…

Maybe it’s because she knows how to download internet porn. -shrugs- You decide.

No matter how you look at it, Chisato is gorgeous in this PV. But her hair… her hair…

How much hair cement did it take to make it look like someone had basically stuck an octopus to her scalp and called it a day? Whoever thought of this style should be shot (although I don’t mind the bangs).

Nakki, oh, Nakki. What happened here? You look like some Mexican guy, and not the sexy kind that have big muscles and looks good when they’re sweating. The scrawny kind with the thin little mustache that tries to sell you things on the side of the street and is wearinga stained tank top and has too much hair gel in their hair.

But, uh, you looked great dancing. In fact, that purple blazer of yours in the alternate outfit version was fantastic. I tried the exact same thing on today while shopping at Banana Republic.

…

It looked better on you.

Dammit.

Kanna, oh, Kanna…

Whatever Saki did wrong, you did right. You’re breathtaking in this PV, in that special lesbian way that only you can be.

Mai looks like a sickly child here. Like the kind you see carrying an inhaler in their fanny pack, along with their hanky and handi-wipes, just in case.

Er, yeah, Mai. Better luck next time.

If any of you needed proof that Erika is part woodchuck…

Erika was mostly just Erika here. Kinda out of place, but still sexy. I abslolutely loved her curly hair during some parts of the dance shot. She looks so much better that way.

(Oh, the reason for the title of this was because the song, the PV, the dance, the line distribution, all of it basically makes me thing of Tokaikko Junjou/ That’s not bad. I love that song and PV.)

I give this PV a 8 out of 10, and the song an 8.5 out of 10, because I’m just that great.

Now if you’ll excuse, I’m going to go stare at ChisaTUSH some more.

This. Is. AWESOME.

Hi, boys and girls! Have you seen the PV for Edo no Temari Uta II yet? If you haven’t, you’re missing out, because from the set to the dance to the girls themselves, this PV is amazing. I can barely organize my thoughts to actually review this correctly, so first I’ll just talking about the girls themselves, relatively safe territory.

The very first thing we see in this PV is Airi looking, for lack of better words, magical. I’ve recently come to terms with Airi in my head. I just can’t hate her, and in allowing myself to NOT hate her, I’m actually finding myself liking her. Huh. Throughout this entire PV, Airi is just a bit of cotton candy. She’s fun to watch, but there’s no real substance. But this is J-pop. Who needs substance? Airi’s costume is quite a lot shorter and more revealing than the others, but I’m okay with that. Like I said, I’ve come to terms with her being the star of C-ute, and if that means tiny costumes, that’s fine. The lack of fabric actually comes in handy for her when they do the slower parts of the dance (the little back-and-forth steps, the head rolls, etc.) because it shows off her great posture.

Maimi is… Maimi makes… I’m not sure what to say! Everyone in the PV is having fun, but Maimi seems like she’s really THINKING about it. In a lot of other idols, that would come across as forced and fake, but not Maimi. She’s just great. Her deep vocals acually suit this song and she doesn’t sound as though she’s struggling at all. The only low point would be her costume, which reminds me of a character from The Nutcracker (Y’know, the lady whose children all run out from under her skirt), but somehow, she pulls it off. Also, Maimi + Red = hot.

Gotta love her expressions… a friend of mine and would-be fan (Hi, Alyson!) made an interesting comment about Yajima: “Red–> Definitely seemed like she’s usually the leader and doesn’t want to give that up.” That’s right. Yajima is giving off Leader-vibes.

Erika and her impossibly high cheekbones are difficult to screencap in this PV. All those shadows! That aside, Erika brings the sexy into the PV. She just is a sexbomb. It’s been said before, of course, but I wish she’s stress that more. Her voice is typical for her, kinda squeaky but not bad. But her outfit. Wow. It’s the best outfit of the whole PV, for sure. I would wear that in real life (yes, but Usa-chan, you’ve worn an evening gown to school! You’d wear anything as long as it’s pretty…).

Holy crud, I’m even liking NakaSaki in this PV? I can’t help it! She’s sooo cute. She reminds me of when a young chick when it’s all yellow and fluffy. Even her little Mouse-voice sounds good here. And her dancing is somehow… coy? I think it’s coy. Yes. Her smile goes a little funny in some parts, though. And not good-funny.

Mai was just kinda… Mai for me in this PV. Not bad or good. Just… Mai. Her singing was fine, and her costume was cute, although it seemed more, well, costumey than the others, and of course, she was ADORABLE. But, I’m actually a little worried about The Future of Mai. She’s going to have to stop relying on being the youngest in the group at some point, because pretty soon being the youngest will mean that she’s 14 or 15, and that’s not really all that young in Idol years.

Kanna. Kanna Kanna Kanna! This PV totally cemented her as my #2 C-utie. She just… flirts the entire time. And has fun, and draws you into the PV. I love her expression in the dance-shot right after her line. Like “Yeah, I’m singing for YOU.” -fangirl sigh-

Ah, Chiisan. With your voice that sounds like a 80-year old woman who has smoked a pack a day her whole life… and still just so happens to be a kick-ass singer. Chisato’s having so much fun in this PV. She looks like she’s just having the time of her life, SO happy to finally have a line. And of course, she nails it. I love her crazy expressions. I’m a little disappointed by her outfit color. They manage to wash out someone as tan as Chiisan.  Impressive!

Now for the set, which I believe is what really makes the PV. The set manages to be dark and dreamlike, yet still fun. It’s like a carnival at night, inhabited by spirits wearing cute outfits. The darkness of the background and the bright lights actually reminds me a bit of the Anataboshi set. But this one is many, many times better. In fact, thanks to the set, I can say that this is one of the few H!P singles that I really want to physically own. I want this single!

Score: 9.5/10. Half a point off for the length. I want more Kanna goodness!

Maybe it’s just a coincidence…

First it was Airi, Risako and Sayumi singing Momoiro Kataomoi:

Then it was Sayu and Risako with Robokiss:

Now at the upcoming joint Berryz and C-ute concert, we have Risako and Airi singing a duet version of Very Beauty.

It’s always interesting when H!P repeats things like they do here. Sometimes I wonder about Tsunku’s decisions. I wonder how he came up with songs like The Peace and Sou Da! We’re Alive, why he constantly promotes only certain girls, and why the hell he can’t create a decent faster song for Matsuura Aya anymore. Then I realize that I already know why. The reason, my friends, is that Tsunku can afford better drugs than most. And he can probably afford a lot of ‘em.

I predict that Airi and Sayu will be performing a duet sometime soon… Oh, and is it just me, or does Risako dance incredibly lazily? Just more to hate about her…

♪Here they come to save the day!♫

I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to post much lately. This fact was due to my being buried under a pile of homework. Currently I’m on spring break, looking at colleges for my brother (Any Adelphi alums out there? I’m typing from the Adelphi library).

So a little while ago I made a post about duo performances I’d want to see at the upcoming Berryz “Vs.” C-ute concert. Today I saw the setlist and, of course, not one of my predictions came true.

HowEVER! Some did come very close to coming true! I will get to hear Suzuki Airi singing Very Beauty (sadly I’ll have to hear her singing it with Risako instead of Miyabi, but ah well), and YES! I will get to hear a Tokunaga and Okai version of Bokura no Kagayaki! They will be joined by Kumai Yurina and one of my pairings consisting of Arihara Kanna and Sudou Maasa.

For those interested, here’s the setlist from Wikki.theppn, along with my comments:

1. ダーリン I LOVE YOU (Darling I LOVE YOU) {I don’t really like this song. Moving on!}
2. スッペシャルジェネレ～ション (Special Generation){The classic h!p kids song that doesn’t normally sound that good live. Oh, and what was up with that Berryz/c-ute version of this song at the Hello! Project 2008 Winter ~Wonderful Hearts Nenjuu Mu Kyuu~ concert? Who in their right mind would let Airi do some of Miya’s “Whoa whoa”s? I thought that it was an unspoken rule that no one touched those lines if Miya was present in ANY performance of Special Generation?}
3. 大きな愛でもてなして (Ooki na Ai de Motenashite) {I’m glad that this is being performed. It’s too weird a song not to like}.
4. 我ら！Berryz仮面 (Warera! Berryz Kamen) VTR {Doesn’t a VTR mean that it’ll be up on a screen?This could either be very, very interesting or really stupid. Man, and I was looking forward to watching an actual performance of this, what with Risako getting NO LINES and all. Ah, wait. they perform it again at the end.}
5. MC 1 {Don’t watch these, moving on.}
6. 涙の色 (Namida no Iro) – °C-ute {So I don’t exactly love this song, but I want to see the dance live. Those cheesy slo-mo parts of the PV kind of ruined the effect of the dance for me}.
7. 胸さわぎスカーレット (Munasawagi Scarlet) – Berryz Koubou {I love this song. They usually only sound okay singing it live. Oh well}.
8. MC 2 – Berryz Koubou {Don’t watch these, moving on!}
9. ＬＡＬＡＬＡ　幸せの歌 (LALALA Shiawase no Uta) – °C-ute then All {This song is a monstrosity}.
10. ジンギスカン (Dschinghis Khan) – All then Berryz Koubou {I kind of want Risako to trip and fall on her face during a performance of this song. Then Chinami and Maasa could “accidentally” stomp on her, forcing her to sit on the sidelines pouting for the rest of the concert.}
11. 都会っ子 純情 (Tokaikko Junjou) – °C-ute {Disheartened by her friend Risako’s defeat accident, Airi would suddenly find her voice deepening, gaining pitch control and depth. Surprise! She sounds just like she used to back in Aa!}
12. 付き合ってるのに片思い (Tsukiatteru no ni Kataomoi) – Berryz Koubou {With no Risako around to make this song even more unbearable, Captain, Maa and Chinami will take her lines and steal the show}
13. VERY BEAUTY – Sugaya Risako and Suzuki Airi {Silly fools, Risako has just been stepped on! Her little Berryz lungs are probably crushed! But oh, look, here comes Miyabi, bravely offering to take her place and complete this duet.}
14. 僕らの輝き (Bokura no Kagayaki) – Kumai Yurina, Tokunaga Chinami, Sudou Maasa, Okai Chisato, and Arihara Kanna {Chinami will probably be surprisingly genki during this performance, for someone who just stepped on a fellow member’s fallen body. Oh, wait. Chinami’s always genki…}
15. サヨナラ 激しき恋 (Sayonara Hageshiki Koi) – Natsuyaki Miyabi, Shimizu Saki, Nakajima Saki, Hagiwara Mai, Tsugunaga Momoko, and Yajima Maimi {They should wear black leather for this performance. Y’know, in mourning over Risako, and all.}
16. That’s the POWER – All except Buono! {Erika is busy making some important phone calls to ensure that Risako never heals properly, and must thus give up her position as Berryz’ front-runner}
17. ドドンカドン音頭 (Do Don Ga Don Ondou) – Umeda Erika {Having finished with this imprortant job, Erika shoos the others offstage, kicks ass and proceeds to sing… ondou music?}
18. ホントのじぶん (Honto no Jibun) – Buono! {I love Buono! and this song too much to make any comments}
19. 恋愛ライダー (Renai Rider) – Buono! {Ditto. Unless, of course, they learned how to swing on a trapeze and used that to make their entrance. That would be just cool}
20. 夏 DOKI リップスティック (Natsu DOKI Lipstick) – Yajima Maimi, Nakajima Saki, and Shimizu Saki {During this performance, Saki S. and Maimi will ensure that Saki N. suffers a Sugaya-styled accident and turn this song into a duet. Sorry, Saki N. You’re cute, but your voice makes me cringe. The plus side is that these are three of the better H!P kid dancers…}
21. まっさらブルージーンズ (Massara Blue Jeans) – °C-ute {The vocally born-again Airi leads the one-member short C-ute in a very nice rendition of this oddly-choreographed song (Pelvic thrusting much?). But from backstage, it seems that the twin evils of Sugaya and Nakajima(’s vocal chords) are plotting something…}
22. ジリリ キテル (Jiriri Kiteru) {As the unsuspecting 12-member group performs one of the best Berryz songs ever…}
23. JUMP {…NakaSaki and Risako JUMP the stage (lame pun, sorry) and attempt to force their way back into the concert in a bloody revolution!}
24. 友情 純情 oh 青春 (Yuujou Junjou oh Seishun) {Wota chanting reaches a fevered pitch as they root for which girls they wish to survive the coup. Just as Chisato is pulling out one of her numerous concealed knives, management comes in and drags the girls away to calm them down with cupcakes and pocky.}

Encore

1. Skit {A much bruised Sugaya Risako uses this “skit” as a chance to attempt to re-start the bloodshed, but just when it looks as though her dastardly plot might succeed, we see something in the air! Is it a bird? plane? NO! It’s…}
2. 我ら！Berryz仮面 (Warera! Berryz Kamen) {SUPER-MAASA! With Chinami the Genki Wonder and Mayuge-girl (Saki S), our masked heroine quickly restores peace and order.}
3. MC 3{ Super-Maasa and co. take this chance to depart and return to the stage as their idol alter-egoes. Hmm, idol by day, superhero by night… there has to be an anime with that plotline!}
4. 桜チラリ (Sakura Chirari) {With a final song, everyone calls it a day and heads backstage for some more cake. All is peaceful in the world of the H!P kids! For now…}

That’s all! Thank you for allowing my inner geek to show through. No, I don’t actually wish physical harm to NakaSaki. As for Risako… well…

Namida no Iro Full PV: I’m not angry…

I’ve seen it. And I won’t get angry. I will not get angry. Really, after Resonant Blue, I shouldn’t be able to get angry over unfair line distribution any more.

So now, with the utmost LACK of anger, I say to you; did anyone besides Maimi and Airi get ANY lines? I do believe that at one point, Saki made a sort of whining noise, which is all very well and good, but where’s the Chisai? And Mai, doesn’t she normally get at least one line? Kanna and Erika didn’t stand a chance, blown away by Airi’s sub-par vocals and fan-backing. It is with joy, of course, that I report that this is a monstrous mis-use of talent, and really, just plain mean to the fans of the girls who aren’t Airi and Maimi.

NOT ANGRY AT ALL.

The return of B-adass!

Namida no Iro Limited Edition (click for fullview)

Namida no Iro Regular Edition (click for fullview)

Really, I just wanted an excuse for these pictures to grace my blog.

I think a member-by-member review is in order.

Umeda Erika: For being the resident H!P Kids sexpot, Erika’s pose on the regular edition is a bit disappointing. I’d like to see her working it a bit more, to make up for the un-sexiness of her outfit (it’s like she accidentally spilled fruit punch on her shirt, so they tossed the tablecloth over her shoulders to try and hide it). That said, she totally rocks it on the limited edition cover. The hat offsets the thinness of her face, and she’s one of the few H!P girls who doesn’t look like a dead fish when giving the sexy gaze.

Yajima Maimi: Maimi needs to curl her hair like that more. Seriously, this could be my favorite of any look she’s ever had. Her outfit isn’t great, but it’s not awful by any stretch of the imagination. Her expression on both covers are fiercely kakkoi, especially on the limited cover where she is channeling Yossy (always a good person to be channeling). As for her poses- on the regular cover, it’s simple, sassy, works well, whatever. But on the limited edition it’s like… wow. She just looks amazing, and groping Chisato probably isn’t hurting much. Maybe there’s more to that little Maimi/Chisato kiss than we thought?

Arihara Kanna: Another victim of bad neckwear, this time it’s like Kanna realized that she had forgotten to buy fish for dinner and threw her fishing net over her shoulder for later. I actually like her more on the regular version, since the side of her head with all the hair is turned towards us. It just looks nicer. I despise her shoes.

Nakajima Saki: Saki looks so damn cute! Even with that huge fugly hat, she looks great! She has to have the best emo face in all of C-ute (as seen in Tokaikko Junjou) and she’s totally using it to her advantage here. Surprisingly one of the ones really going for the sexiness on the regular cover, she made the mistake of crossing her legs and lifting one foot up in the air. It kind of makes her look like she has to pee. A lot. Anyways, her hair should stay like this: It shows off her nice eyebrows.

Suzuki Airi: It’s good that she’s obscured by Mai in the regular edition, because Airi’s pose is bordering on silly. She looks as though she’s asking the age old question concerning her posterior and size thereof. She makes up for it on the limited, where she looks absolutely fierce. The big collar kind of gives her an “evil princess” look, and she really does look great in short-shorts (these are even shorter than the Renai♥Rider ones!).

Okai Chisato: I’m not… sure exactly what type of look they were going for with Chisato (I call her Chisai in my head all the time, so if I accidentally type that here, my apologies). her hair is kind of like an Elvis cut mixed with a pompadour (IE crazy). It could have been worse, and at least it shows off her dreamy eyes. Her outfit is… also kind of crazy, but still manages to work. She doesn’t do much of anything on the regular cover, but she looks like some kind of Queen Dominatrix on the limited cover, with her little C-uties ranged around her adoringly.

Hagiwara Mai: Dear… dear little Mai, please have bangs again? Please? Because you look a little scary without them. Aside from that… Mai has my least favorite outfit in this; it’s just a black drawstring bag with holes chopped in it for the arms and legs. Her pose and expression aren’t bad on the regular cover (in fact, she’s working it more than most of the older girls), but I love her expression on the Limited cover. She looks so cool and arrogant. One last thing… does anyone think that she has red-eye in the limited version? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that in a H!P photo before. Ever.

In all: C-ute looks quite nice here. Actually, what with the ladder in the limited cover, I’m reminded of the cover for Roman ~MY DEAR BOY~ (this is not a bad thing at all, as that’s one of my favorite MM singles).

Look, even Kanna’s fishing net-scarf made an appearence here!

Look, a new, C-ute themed post!

I’ve been sick lately (well, okay, for the last three months), so I had difficulty ordering my thoughts about the new C-ute album (which I got along with Gatas’ first album a few days ago). Here’s a brief (I lie, it’s become so not brief!) review.

Artwork: I can see that they tried to keep up a “paradise” theme with this album, by having lots of shifting colors and bright lights. It’s really nice and pleasing to the eye, but the chairs the girls sit in are a little weird. If this is paradise, shouldn’t the girls be sitting on clouds? As for the girls themselves, they look fantastic. I love when h!p girls have outfits that look the same, but actually have slight differences. I think Mai, Maimi and Erika look best in their outfits. Poor Kanna, her outfit just subtly doesn’t fit. The waist part doesn’t quite hit her at the the most flattering part of her body, and as a result bunches up towards the bottom, making her look thicker than she is. The general artwork and looks of the girls themselves get a 10/10.

1. Tokaikko Junjou: This song is what it is. I wasn’t one of those who was immediately won over by it, but that said it’s the perfect song for starting off an album. It has that sort of “get ready; more is to come” feel to it.

Ranking: 4/5

2. Image Color (Suzuki Airi and Yajima Maimi): Halfway through this song I forgot about listening to it and accidentally dropped the cd-player. That would certainly not have happened had the song been at all interesting (which, sadly, it’s not). It’s not that it’s a bad song, it’s just that it could have been SO much better! The vocals sounded uninspired, the song itself was so standard J-pop that I could cry, and… well, the placement in the album doesn’t really seem to have any purpose. It is not the song with which to follow up Tokaikko Junjou!

Rating: 1.5/5

3. Otome Cocoro: It’s… a nice… slower song? The fact that I can easily space out during this song doesn’t say much for how interesting it is. The vocals are okay. The best thing to say about this is that it isn’t Image Color ^^’. Although the instrumentals are really nice and soothing.

Rating: 3/5

4. LA LA LA Shiawase no Uta: I have a secret; When the scary male vocal person comes on during LA LA LA Shiawase no Uta, I sometimes go try to go to a happy place. Why? It’s the stuff of nightmares, that voice! Anyways, terrifying vocal guy aside, LA LA LA comes in with perfect timing in this album. It is a much-needed wake up after the two previous slower (boring) tracks. And somehow I found myself liking this song more on hearing it again.

Rating: 4/5

5. Homerare Nobiko no Theme Kyoku: I like this song! A lot. It has interesting vocals and instrumentals, I especially like the “echo” effect used (I love anything like that, actually). The vocals sound so much better than in Otome Cocoro. This is the sort of song that I can’t wait to see concert-performed. One of my favorites off of this album.

Rating: 4.5/5

6. Meguru Koi no Kisetsu: Erm… this song is kind of just “there” for me. I don’t particularly love it, but there’s nothing really wrong with it, either. I also would have put it one more track later, after Chisato and Kanna’s song. It just threw me off, hearing it right after Homerare Nobiko no Theme Kyoku.

Rating: 3/5

7. Sweeeets→→→Live (Okai Chisato and Arihara Kanna): This started off so coolly, with some nice drum effects and such. And then the girls come in just sort of… half-singing. Chisato was the reasoning behind my purchasing this album, and to hear her voice being used for about 1/4 of its potential really sucks. The song does pick up a bit towards the chorus, and without the whole “This was supposed to be Chisato’s song to shine in and instead she gets this” thing, I’d really anjoy this slower, slightly odd-sounding song.

Rating: 2.5/5

8. Sakura Chirari: Wait, I’m not supposed to like this song! I’m supposed to find it dull and repetitive! But here it’s sounding sweet and friendly. How odd. The placement is nice too. after the disappoinment of the previous track, sweet and friendly is just what I need to hear. But it still does get repetitive…

Rating: 3.5/5

9. Hare no Platinum Doori (Nakajima Saki and Hagiwara Mai): Another fairly uninteresting track on this album. The good thing is that Nakajima’s voice doesn’t make me want to cry, like it normally does. Hagitty is just awesome. Still can’t save this song, although I liked the “Ooh la la la” parts.

Rating: 2/5

10. Do Don Ga Don Ondou (Umeda Erika with the other C-uties making funny noises on occasion): This is the song that saves the whole album from being forgettable. It’s just so not-normal and addictive! I like this much better than the original that inspired it, and Erika’s voice is just so… uh… I’m going to go out on a limb here by calling it Erika-tastic.

Rating: 5/5

Total Score: 43/60 or a C.

H!P my way.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the things “wrong” with Hello! Project, and seeing Maple GreanTea’s post made me finally make the effort to organize my thoughts. It seems I’ve been replying to Maple GreanTea’s thoughts lately, huh? (Maple GreanTea, let’s be friends!)

Things Aoi♥Usagi would change about h!p:

Morning Musume:

- A new graduation would not occur for at least 6 months- 1 year.

- There would be auditions held for the 9^th generation before ANYONE else leaves. At least three girls would be chosen (no more of this one-member generation nonsense). Personally, I want to see a Korean member, a “mood maker” member (Hi, Yaguchi #2), and… a glasses member?

- The T-man would continue releasing music with a sound similar to the disco-ey sound of Resonant Blue.

- Kusumi Koharu would not get any more leads until she has intensive vocal lessons. Tanaka would not get any more leads until she stops warping her voice to sound “cute” and goes back to Shabondama-era Tanaka.

- Kamei would begin to subtly come to the front more and more. She would not get many leads, but will contribute solid vocals as always.

- The expansion into Asia would accelerate to ludicrous speed.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

Berryz Koubou:

- Risako would begin fading to the back. Since that will never happen outside of my dreams, she goes along with Kusumi to begin intensive singing lessons.

- After learning to control her voice, Risako would surprise all us non-fans by being somewhat bearable. Like in Munasawagi Scarlet.

- Maasa would come to the front during the time in which Risako takes her singing lessons.

- Yurina and Chinami would begin to have an interchangeable places singing within the group.

- Yurina would develop a personality beyond space cadet. She’d also begin to take up modeling.

- Momoko would begin using her Buono! voice and impressing everyone.

- Miyabi would release a solo single but would NOT graduate. This would be a one-time thing, similar to Takahashi’s Yume Kara Samete.

- Their musical style… would still remain all over the place.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

C-ute

- Their sound would immediately go back to Tokkaiko-esque. Like, right now.

- Airi would remember how she used to sing (or be forced to remember). Like back in Aa!. She misses this style and starts singing that way again. Aoi♥Usagi weeps with joy.

- Okai Chisato, Yajima Maimi and the newly vocally reborn Airi would become the lead singers, with the other girls helping out liberally. No more of this “no lines for the less promoted girls” bit.

- Yurina would call up her friend Erika and tells her how much fun modeling is. Erika gives it a try.

- The line distribution would become FAR more even.

The rest of h!p:

- Melon Kinenbi would either get some real, quality releases SOON or graduates within the year. Before they go, Oohtani would dye her hair every color known to man and be immortalized in the Hair Hall of Fame.

- Ogawa would come back to be a soloist. With her new long brown hair and same kick-ass voice and personality, people would kick themselves for not promoting her talent before. They throw themselves at her feet. She laughs and goes on to conquer the charts.

- Matsuura Aya would begin to get singles similar to Ki ga Tsukeba Anata; an upbeat mature sound suitable for an adult woman, but not another boring ballad.

- GAM would reform and become Aya’a new hope for the future. They’d release music similar to Thanks!.

- Ayaka’s Surprise English Lessons would come back in a big way.

- Buono!’d continue doing what they’re doing. Eventually they’d move beyond the sphere of Shugo Chara and become a solid group.

- Athena and Robbywhatever would stop releasing music for their anime. After a few months, however, the same four girls would team up again for a group with a cool image (Risa really can pull off kakkoi! Honest!). In their first single, Chisato will be featured in a room full of baseballs.

New Units:
- Kumai Yurina, Kamei Eri and Umeda Erika would team up for a group that has a sound similar to 2nd Gen. Tanpopo. I really want to see this group come into being. It’s basically my dream group.

- Ai, Airi, and Aika would release one single on Valentine’s Day (please?). But no more after that.

- Okada Yui and her boobs would create a new egg-centric group.

-After some rumors of a solo career, Miyoshi Erika would join Yui’s Egg group. Yui jiggles with happiness.

Oh right, C-ute.

I’m sorry! I really did intend to do C-ute (’s ranking) the day after Berryz, but… y’know, it didn’t happen. SO, I’ll finally finish up with my rankings of the Big Three tonight.

1st: I never really cared about Okai (or any of the Cuties, for that matter). Then I saw that tiny little clip of Chisato sounding EXACTLY like Fujimoto Miki, and realized that this girl was a force to be reckoned with. At the time, there was basically nothing of her singing solo that I could find to listen to, which would have made it hard for me to really like any other girl. Not Chisato! She’s just so darn cute, and so funny. She reminds me a bit of Tokunaga Chinami; they’re both the joke-makers of their respective groups, and they are both tan and short haired. Oh, and Chisato is just begging to be nicknamed Mini-Miki. Their voices are SO similar!

Listen, Tsunku. Chisato’s voice will bring about world peace and make grown men want to skip about and pet little kitties. So if you like world peace and kitties and all that jazz, make Chisato a lead singer.

2nd: Teeny tiny little Mai-mai fought her way into my heart and stayed there. She is adorable. She’s the youngest of the h!p kids and thus automatically the cutest in my mind. If my madness seems to have no method, well… then… MOVING ON!

3rd: I formed the opinion early on that Erika was the one who had made the biggest changes, physically, since joining h!p. She’s certainly grown into her looks; before, she was this gangly kid whose face was so long and thin that she looked like a grasshopper. Now, she’s actually somewhat sexy. Okay, very sexy. Although her voice hasn’t matured at all. It sounds like she’s still 10 years old. You kind of have to admire a 16 year old sexpot that can get away with sounding like a pre-teen, though. No, not Momoko.

4th: Maimi and NakaSaki are tied for me. I only put Maimi higher because…. well, there was no option for a tie (that I could see)! Maimi is good. Not so good that she overshadows the others, but good enough to stand out. Which makes her all the better in my book! Her dancing and singing are not quite on the same level, though. Her voice tends to get a bit manly when she’s tired.

5th: Even though Maimi is the renowned dancer of the h!p kids, Nakajima Saki is my favorite to watch while she dances (aside from Momoko). She gives off this aura of really, truly having a blast! When watching the dance shot for Tokaikko Junjou, Saki caught my eye about 1/3 of the way through, and kept it throughout the rest of the PV. I can’t quite describe what it is, aside from the afore mentioned fun bit. It’s like she adds this extra centimeter to all of the moves that the other girls are doing, throwing herself into it just a bit harder.

6th: I haven’t much of an opinion of Kanna. She’s very pretty, her voice isn’t bad (I loved her on Bokura no Kagayaki. That is, when I could tear my ears away from the amazing Chisato). I’ve heard people say that she seemed to know what she was doing more than the other members of C-ute when she joined, and some people say the exact opposite. Me, I don’t think she stood out as either one. And that may be the problem with Kanna for me; she just doesn’t stand out.

7th: Hello, Airi. Biggest line-hog since Abe on Furusato. And I really don’t like her voice much, either. Something about Airi seems dead to me. Every few performances she seems to really get into it and have a spark in her eyes and an extra bit of kick in her dancing, but at other times she seems so blank. Have I mentioned that I don’t like her voice? It’s a little like Miyabi’s, I suppose. Only lacking the emotion and cool factor.